Who I Am
by Nika Dixon
Summary: COMPLETE! Jennifer discovers that life sometimes gives you a second chance to stand up for yourself. Angst/Romance/Friendship/Trust - it's all here.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: **__This little story is a step away from the usual suspensy stuff I've been doing, so you'll have to let me know if it works. I got the idea from listening to a song ("Within your Reach" by the Replacements). It's more of an angsty look at how Jen deals with jealousy, and how she's coming to terms with who she is, and who she'll never be. It won't be very long (only a few chapters) and hopefully I can get into her head right!_

_I'm suggesting that Ronon and Jen are already involved in the story; and have been for a few weeks, but it's new enough that neither one of them has admitted where it's going. Do Pegasus relationships go through the same bumps as those from Earth? :P_

_As I post this, Season 5 is set to premier tonight on SciFi (but being in Canada, I can't see it for another 3 days). So for those of you who are watching tonight, enjoy!_

_- Nika_

* * *

_"Within Your Reach" - The Replacements_

_I could live without so much  
__I can die without a clue  
__Sun keeps risin' in the west  
__I keep on wakin' fully confused_

* * *

Jen wasn't the jealous type.

Not really.

She was more of a feel sorry for herself and decide it was bound to happen anyway, type. It was the same story every time, so why should this one be any different?

They liked her well enough away from the hospital – until she wouldn't put out on the first date.

They liked her well enough to be seen in front of the others with her – until she pointed out one of their mistakes.

They liked her well enough when she was doing their work for them because they'd come up with some lame assed excuse as to why they were late – until she pointed out their lame assed excuse was just that – lame.

So she'd get a date, go for dinner, catch a movie, make out in the supply closet, until they found out she was smarter than they were, that she had a proper work ethic, that she took her life and her work very seriously, that she didn't believe in a casual fling in the closet just to satisfy an urge.

Then it was see-ya' Jennifer.

So when she lost Ronon for the fifth day in a row to the two new female Marine recruits he and John seemed to be spending an awful a lot of time with lately… she wasn't really surprised.

Hurt, yes.

Jealous? No…

Oh fine. Yes, damn, it! She was jealous.

She dropped her forehead to her desk and wrapped her arms around her head.

Lieutenants Sarah Lewis and Janice "Jane" Thomas were sassy, strong, and very, very pretty – in that Lara Croft kind of way. Lieutenant Lewis was five-ten, blond and blue eyed, with one of those late-night radio voices the men seemed to fall all over themselves to hear. Lieutenant Thomas was close to six-feet tall, a brunette, with brown eyes and beautiful shoulder length hair she could perfectly French braid in seconds without so much as a hair out of place. Jen couldn't manage a pony tail without missing half her hair.

She disliked her on that principle alone.

And both women seemed to be more than eager to get more sparring time with Ronon, and more weapon's training with Sheppard. And they weren't subtle about it at all.

Subtle was not Jen's forte.

Shy. Quiet. Reserved. That was more her style.

Up front flirting and suggestive touches that Lieutenant Thomas was throwing at Ronon were not in Jen's bag of tricks… ever. But she'd thought about it. She really had. She just couldn't pull her brain out of her it-was-bound-to-happen-sooner-or-later motto long enough to do anything about it.

Maybe Ronon didn't see it.

But how could he not?

The woman was practically throwing herself at him!

But Jen didn't have any claim on the man. They'd never really _discussed_ it. It just sort of happened and they'd gone with it, but the whole 'exclusive' conversation had never taken place. Nor had the this-isn't-just-a-fling conversation. Maybe there wasn't going to be an exclusive conversation. Maybe it was just going to be one of those things. Flings. But Jen didn't do flings. Not intentionally anyway.

So… technically she couldn't really be jealous of something she didn't have.

Could she?

She had motive.

If she wanted to call it a motive.

He _had_ been really, really busy. Truthfully. Okay so that wasn't a motive.

But he'd _also_ been really, really busy with Lieutenant Thomas. And that sure as heck felt like a motive. Either the woman was a complete idiot when it came to fighting and Ronon was just being kind, or there was something more too it.

After four days, Jen finally decided to see for herself.

She made it a point never to watch the sparring or training, but something pointed her in the direction of the gym earlier this afternoon, and she'd gotten more than enough motive.

Janice _call-me-Jane_ Thomas was a good fighter. No where near the caliber of Teyla, but she sure looked like she knew what she was doing. And Sarah Lewis was equally quick, if not more so, than Jane.

Jen had to admit defeat at that one. She'd never be a fighter. It just wasn't… _her_. Self-defense, maybe, if she had to. But outright fighting? Nope. That was one of the huge, gaping, in-your-face things Jen always knew she'd never have in common with Ronon. Fighting. And, well… weapons – at which, of course, Jane was an excellent shot. And… okay, yes, military strategy. And being able to talk tales of skirmishes and battles and victories. And a host of other things Jen could easily list if she wanted to beat herself up about it.

Yeah okay, so she really had, aside from location, absolutely _nothing_ in common with Ronon Dex.

From her vantage point in the hallway, Jen watched Lieutenant Thomas linger… heard her compliments to Ronon's fighting style… heard her request more formal training… and heard Ronon agree. Hell, even Jen could hear the suggestive undertones in the request and she didn't know squat.

And _he_ said yes.

Then the Lieutenant actually had the gal to not-so-subtly invite herself to dinner when Sheppard mentioned the trip to the mess hall to Ronon.

Okay so Jen knew she didn't hold a claim on all his time… but… she'd come to enjoy their routine. Their unspoken agreement that when they were both in the city, dinnertime in the mess hall was a their time. Even if it turned into a group affair with the rest of SGA-1… and Evan. And sometimes even Radek. Because that was their group. _Her_ group.

But now the group had increased by two because for the last seven and a half meals – not that Jen was counting - Jane was there with Sarah.

Jen had given up not being able to participate in the conversation by the third meal, and opted to eat in her office by the fifth. Today she just didn't show up at all.

And no one had come to ask why, except Teyla, and Jen couldn't really tell the Athosian that she was jealous of nothing and upset about everything.

So she'd lied and said she was swamped with paperwork and research, and to pass on her apologies.

Jen raised her head from its cocoon in her elbows, and looked at the long-completed stack of paperwork sitting on her desk. She'd had so much free time the past couple of days, she'd finished everything she had to do. And then some.

Jen dropped her head back down onto her arms and sighed. Free time sucked when you didn't have any reason for it.

"Jennifer?" A soft voice called from the doorway.

Jen quickly lifted her head.

"Teyla." She smiled, waving the Athosian into the room. "How are you?" Jen stood and held her arms out, reaching for the squiggling baby Teyla held cradled in her arms. "And how's my favorite nephew?"

Teyla smiled and easily handed over her son. "He is just fine."

Jen settled the infant into the crook of her arm and hooked his tiny fingers. "Such a strong little man!" Jen cooed, laughing. "You're going to be a fantastic fighter, smart and strong, just like your mommy, aren't you!"

Gurgles and a spit bubble made both women laugh.

Jen looked up, bouncing softly on the balls of her feet, rocking the baby. "So, what's up?"

"Well…" Teyla gave Jen a slightly chagrinned face. "I hate to ask… and I realize you are very busy, but… I was wondering if you might be free to…"

"Babysit?" Jen smiled, the thoughts of spending another lonely night in her quarters banished with a tiny little gurgling wiggle. "I'd love to!"

Teyla's smile widened. "Thank you, Jennifer. It is only for a few hours. Colonel Sheppard would like to take a couple of the new recruits through the gate to one of the beta sites for some… night drills?"

Teyla stepped forward and rubbed her son's forehead with her fingertips. "Apparently Lieutenant's Thomas and Lewis are looking for some planetary experience."

"I just bet they are." Jen muttered bitterly.

Teyla raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry." Jen smiled. "I'd love some company, tonight. What do you think, little man? Dinner and a movie with Auntie Jen?"

Teyla smiled when he gurgled again. She leaned in and kissed her son's forehead, muttering a soft, "Be good, my little one."

"Oh he's always good." Jen smiled at the little baby, rocking him gently. "Aren't you, little man? Yes, you are! You and Auntie Jennifer are going to have a great time, aren't we?"

Teyla stepped away, then turned back quickly. "Jennifer?"

"Hmm?" Jen looked up.

"Are you…" Teyla paused. "Is everything all right?"

Jen made a face. "Yes. Why wouldn't it be?"

Teyla shook her head. "No… reason." Teyla slipped the large bag off her shoulder and set it on the chair inside the door. "I almost forgot this."

Jen laughed. "Yes, it might clash with the P90."

Teyla laughed and quickly rushed over to kiss her son again. Then she turned away with a sheepish smile. "There is milk in the pockets, and a change of clothes if he should spit up. I've also packed-"

"Go, Teyla." Jen smiled. "He'll be fine."

"I know." Teyla smiled, watching her son gripping Jennifer's finger. "I know. It's just…"

"Hard to leave?" Jen suggested.

Teyla smiled. "Very. And speaking of leaving, are you still scheduled to return to Earth tomorrow with Mr. Woolsey?"

Jen rolled her eyes. "Yes. Dinner and schmoozing with a bunch of IOA mucky-mucks. I don't know how Colonel Sheppard always manages to get out of these things and stick me with them." Jen looked down at the little baby. "Your Uncle John is a shyster… yes he is… a shyster…" Then Jen looked back up at Teyla. "It's only for a couple of hours though. I _wish_ I could have gotten the whole weekend, then I could go see my Dad, but… Mr. Woolsey got permission from the SGC for a four hour window. Quick trip in, quick trip back. But, either way I suppose I still get to eat real meat, drink real wine, and bring back some real chocolate."

Teyla raised an eyebrow hopefully.

"Oh don't worry." Jen laughed. "I'll make sure to bring enough to share. But you have to promise you'll make that awesome berry desert pie-thing with some of it."

Teyla laughed. "It is a deal."

"Okay now go." Jen ordered. "You're going to be late."

"Right!" Teyla laughed, and hurried out of Jen's office.

"Come on, little man." Jen laughed and picked up the diaper bag and slung it over her shoulder. "What say we go find us some snacks, and watch _A Hundred and One Dalmatians_. Maybe Auntie Jen will teach you how to burn popcorn."


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

_I've never seen no mountain  
__Never swam no sea  
__City got me drownin'  
__I guess it's up to me_

* * *

Luck was a flighty thing.

Sometimes – luck was on your side. You find a twenty when you're down to your last. You get the job you applied for, two weeks before your landlord wants the rent. You catch the last train home after running the entire block.

You turn left through an intersection, instead of right.

Sometimes – luck was on the other guy's side. You loose a twenty when you're down to your last. Someone else gets the job you applied for, two weeks before your landlord wants the rent. You miss the last train home after running the entire block.

You turn left through an intersection, instead of right.

Seated in a hard plastic chair in the hallway outside the operating room doors, Jen subconsciously picked the dried blood out from under her fingernails. The sights and sounds of the busy downtown hospital surrounded her, and she let the sharp smell of the disinfectants and stale odor of day old coffee sooth her into oblivion.

She had nothing left.

She'd pretty much given it all up tonight. Pulled it out of whatever deep hole she stored it in and used it all up fighting the fates, and luck, and whoever else decided to send that drunk driver through the red light into the tiny little compact.

The crash was loud enough to get her attention two floors up in the posh restaurant. Loud enough to make her stand up and look. Loud enough to bring someone yelling from the balcony to call 911. Loud enough to send her running down the stairs to the street where she shoved through the quickly growing crowd of onlookers, the chant _I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor_, breaking her lips.

The small silver car was mashed between a streetlight post and the front end of the Buick. Jen could hear the cries coming from inside the car… the sniffled sobs and calls for mommy… and she didn't hesitate.

She ran.

Jen had no idea how long she sat crushed in the back of the little car, her arms wrapped around the little girl while the firemen cut the cars apart.

Jen had been the only one small enough to crawl in through what was left of the shattered back window. She didn't hesitate. She simply hiked up her brand new, silky blue cocktail dress, and crawled across the trunk.

She'd done all she could for the parents in the front seat before wriggling back into what was left of the rear compartment. The elderly woman in the back was gone… Jen could do nothing for her – but she could help the little girl.

So she wedged herself between the seats, talking to the child, calming her, blocking little Emily's view of her dead Grandmother, and holding Emily's leg still so the jagged shard of metal embedded in her little thigh wouldn't do any more damage than it already had.

Time stopped and slid into forever while she hugged the little girl. While she talked about school. While she talked about cartoons. While she talked about pets she had when she was a kid. While she pressed her silk wrap around the wound, keeping the blood in, and the metal as still as possible while they cut Emily free. While she told the little girl how brave she was being. While she rode to the hospital, the little girls fingers tightly clutching hers. While she shoved past the attending doctors, her identification held high in her blood covered fingers. While she forced herself into the operating room with her military ID and don't-even-try-to-stop-me attitude. While security tried to force her leave the little girl's side.

While they moved Emily to the children's ward.

While she waited to hear if the little girl's parents would live.

It felt like forever.

And lost in forever was exactly where Richard Woolsey finally found her.

Sitting in a hard plastic chair outside the emergency room doors, waiting for forever to finish.

"Dr. Keller." Woolsey said softly, sliding into the chair beside her.

Jen stared down at her hands, her self control slipping ever so slowly. "I'm sorry about the dinner." She said softly, suddenly remembering just why she was here in the first place.

"It is of no consequence." Richard nodded. "I hear the little girl and her parents are expected to make a full recovery."

Jen nodded.

"The doctors have told me it was very fortunate you were so close by."

"Fortunate." Jen repeated, turning slowly towards him.

He nodded, uncomfortable at her unblinking stare, removing his glasses in a semi-nervous gesture. He cleaned them with a soft cloth, then returned the glasses to his face, and the cloth to his jacket pocket.

"Yes." Jen nodded slowly. "Fortunate."

Fortune and Fate.

Colonel Sheppard hated schmoozing. Jen was good a schmoozing. Colonel Sheppard hated dressing up. Jen liked playing dress up. Colonel Sheppard made up an excuse to get out of it and suggested Jen. Jen accepted. And Jen was here.

Luck… fate… fortune… Something in the universe had certainly seen to it that through an unconnected series of events, Jen was here instead of Colonel Sheppard, who may have done just as well with the trauma, except he wouldn't have been able to fit into the car.

And the little girl would most likely have died.

Maybe her luck wasn't so bad after all.

"Fortunate." Jen nodded again. "Yes. Yes it was."

* * *

Standing in the Gate room of the SGC, Jen ignored the curious stares, and watched the gate lock slowly into place… echoes of _chevron locked_ clanging between the dialing claxon.

They were two hours past their arrival time, but apparently everyone at the SGC knew they'd been delayed, and why. She'd already been congratulated by most of the staff who were on duty at this late hour.

She didn't want thanks.

She just wanted to go home.

To get out of the bloody clothes.

To clean the blood off her skin.

To sleep.

She still clutched the pair of scrubs they'd given her to change into, the clean clothes she hadn't had the energy to bother with. If she'd been allowed to assist with the operation, she would have scrubbed in. She would have changed. But fighting with security left her permission to stay in the room – only if she didn't touch anything.

Watching someone else operate was more draining than if she'd been the one performing it. In surgery, you were in control, you channeled everything into the task. Being the observer… watching when you wanted to jump in and take over… was exhausting. Physically and mentally exhausting.

He was too slow.

He was too fast.

He was doing it wrong.

She'd bit her cheek to keep from bellowing orders, but they slipped through anyway.

When she'd stepped through the gate hours earlier, she'd wanted to forget about Dr. Keller, CMO, and just be Jennifer Keller. To put on the beautiful blue silk dress and the five inch heels, to wear makeup and have her hair done, to have dinner with the investors and VP's and talk about all the good they were doing. To have some fun, to relax, and to forget about everything. To forget about being CMO. To forget about Pegasus. To forget who she was, and what she did, and why she wanted to run away.

And once again the fates stepped in to give her a not so subtle reminder.

She was a doctor.

It was who she'd always be.

She'd never be a fighter. Never be a warrior. She'd never be anything other than what she was, and she'd never change.

And if he didn't want her…

She sighed and shook her head away from the direction it was going.

The event horizon shone back at her with it's mysterious blue waves, home calling her from the other side.

But she couldn't quite make her feet move. She wanted home, she wanted her quarters, she wanted the peace and quiet of the ocean. But she couldn't make herself move.

Richard reached for his earpiece, announcing their impending arrival to the Atlantis control room, and ordering all non-essential personnel to vacate the gate room.

Jen glanced at him, relief sliding off her with such force she nearly burst into tears. She furiously blinked back the burning at his understanding nod. Once word came back that the control room was free, Jen was finally able to convince her feet to move. She accepted Richard's arm and moved slowly up the ramp, the sharp sound of her heels echoing in the silence.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

_I can't live without your touch; __I can't live without your touch_

* * *

The Gate room was quiet and dark, dappled in the light blue reflection of the wormhole. It was almost two o'clock in the morning on Atlantis, and thankfully, most of the personnel were sleeping.

Most.

Jen released Woolsey's arm as gate destabilized and sizzled into silence, her eyes noting the standard security teams, and the two technicians on the second floor.

Something about being back, being home, brought such a wave of relief, and release, she started to shake. Gripping her fingers into the scrubs she pulled them tightly against her middle and turned towards Richard, unable to get the words past her tight throat.

He simply nodded and motioned for her to continue forward.

Jen took two steps then stopped, the shadows in the corner moving forward as John and Ronon stepped into the subdued light of the gate room floor.

"What the hell happened?" She vaguely heard the Colonel asking.

She tried not to look, didn't want to look, but couldn't keep herself from falling into his eyes. She felt the burn starting behind her eyelids as she furiously blinked to keep from losing her control.

Damn her.

Damn him.

She wanted him here. She wanted him to hold her. She needed to feel his arms around her and his deep voice telling her everything was fine. That she'd done everything right. That there wasn't anything she could have done faster, or better, or stronger. That everything would be okay.

But would he want her to?

She took a tentative step forward as a second set of shadows moved in the corridor behind him and she stopped.

She stared.

Of course they'd be here.

She blinked and choked down the taste of loneliness and need when her stomach vaulted bile into the back of her throat.

"Colonel Sheppard." Woolsey's voice snapped. "I believe I ordered all non-essential personnel out of the gate-room."

John looked over his shoulder. With a quick shake of his head, Lieutenants Thomas and Lewis quickly disappeared.

But the damage was done.

Jen felt her stomach heave. She covered her hand with her mouth and turned towards Richard. "I'm sorry." She exhaled, convulsing again, her body fighting to relieve itself of anything her stomach may hold. "I'm sorry."

Another dry heave and she kicked off her heels and ran.

* * *

Standing in the hallway outside Jennifer's quarters, Ronon stared at Sheppard, the faint sounds of her sobs mixing with the sounds of retching. They blocked her door from closing, not ready to invade her privacy, but not willing to leave her alone either.

"I thought they were just going for dinner?" Ronon growled at John, the frustration of the past week breaking through.

"They were." John insisted, his hands jammed into the pockets of his BDU's. "They were."

At the sound of water running and John tentatively stuck his head in the door. "Doc? You ah… okay? You want us to call someone?"

"I'm fine." Her voice was thick and mixed with sobs. "I'm fine. Just… Just go away. Please. I'm fine. I just… Just… please… go away."

Ronon didn't want to go away. He wanted to know what happened. He wanted to know what was wrong. Why she'd been avoiding him for the past week. Why she'd been so quiet. So withdrawn. He wanted to know what happened at a simple dinner that was supposed to be a few hours of schmoozing, as Sheppard put it, and why she'd come back pale, upset, and covered in blood. He wanted to know why she was sick. Why she was crying. Why she didn't come to him.

He'd missed her when she left – he'd been in the gym with Sheppard – so he'd made it a point to make sure he could see her when she returned.

So he'd waited.

They'd both waited.

She'd looked so beautiful, silhouetted in the blue light of the worm hole. The way the light showed how her hair was pulled up onto her head, half up, half down. The way the dress slid all over her body, accenting her curves, her soft, bare shoulders. The way those silly shoes the Earth women wore made her legs look oh so long as she stepped forward, the side slit in the dress giving him a glimpse of her creamy skin.

Then the wormhole died.

And the faint gate-room light showed him the rest.

Her hair wasn't half down, it was half pulled out.

Her skin wasn't pale, it was wan with exhaustion and upset.

Her once beautiful dress was no longer blue, it was stained with dark patches of deep maroon.

She smelled of flowers – her signature scent - and she smelled of blood and death.

He saw the look on her face, the raw need, the wetness in her eyes. She'd started forward, and so had he. Until she stopped. And for some reason, the sight of the two Lieutenants only upset her more. And the look she'd given him was no longer need, it was aching pain.

And that made him furious.

At her.

At him.

At the two Lieutenants.

Because instead of coming to him, she'd run away.

He paced in anger with whoever, or whatever, caused her upset, or pain, or sickness, and he wasn't going anywhere until he got answers.

Both men turned as Woolsey turned down the end of the corridor, Jennifer's light blue shoes in his hand.

"What the hell happened?" John asked again, his eyes hard as he stared at Woolsey.

"Gentlemen." Richard nodded, glancing into Jennifer's open doorway. "I believe Dr. Keller might like some time alone."

"I'm not leaving." Ronon growled, his arms crossed as he stepped towards Richard. "Not until I know what happened."

"Dr. Keller is fine." Richard nodded.

"She doesn't sound fine!" Ronon growled.

"She didn't look fine, either." John added.

Richard sighed. "I missed dinner. If you would care to join me in the mess hall, I will do my best to explain everything. This is not a conversation to be held in the corridor."

Ronon made a face, but John nodded. "Fine."

Richard bent and set Jennifer's shoes inside her doorway, then motioned for John to remove himself from the doorframe. Sheppard stepped forward and the door slid closed. Ronon gave it one last parting look before following Woolsey and Sheppard down the corridor.

.

.

_A/N More to follow ASAP. Please let me know if this is flowing smoothly enough, or if something doesn't make sense?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Cold without so much  
__Can die without a dream  
__Live without your touch  
__I'll die within your reach_

* * *

After only a few hours of dreamless sleep Jen awoke. Her body had enough, apparently, even though her mind knew she needed more. Hours more.

And more sleep meant less time having to face everyone.

She was _so_ _embarrassed_.

She hadn't thrown-up after a medical emergency since her first shift as an intern. Blood and injuries didn't disgust her – stress and nerves did. Make a mistake and someone dies. It was enough to have anyone puking their guts out and some days she wondered why she didn't do it more often.

But she didn't do it often.

In fact she hardly ever did it at all.

Yet there she was last night, kneeling barefoot in a bloody ball gown, tossing her cookies into her toilet while Colonel Sheppard, Ronon, and Richard Woolsey stood listening. Could she have picked a worse time?

It was most certainly not the way to impress a man. Yep. Hi honey, excuse me for a minute, I need to vacate my stomach.

Very impressive.

And to top it all off, she'd told them all to go away.

"Gawd!" She groaned, covering her face with her pillow. "You're such an idiot!"

Ronon had been there waiting for her.

He'd come to see if she was okay.

That should have been enough.

_It was enough._

Until she saw the tag-along twins.

God, she was so stupid. She'd almost thrown herself into Ronon's arms – right there in the gate room. Burst into tears and wailed her heart out on the front of his shirt… in front of _everyone_. Right in front of Lewis and Thomas. That would have made an absolutely wonderful impression.

But no, instead she'd opted for door number two. Running for the toilet. Right past Ronon, right past John, right past two security teams, the control room staff, Mr. Woolsey and then right past Thomas and Lewis.

She could hear them all now.

_Poor Dr. Keller… Can't handle the stress… throws up you know. Terrible affliction._

Contemplating getting it all over with and smothering herself with the pillow, she gave into reality and threw the fluffy thing across the room. It landed with a very unsatisfying plop in the middle of her floor.

She shook her head, and stared up at her ceiling. Well, it couldn't possibly get any worse… and at least she didn't throw up in the gate room… or on Richard Woolsey.

That mental picture made her laugh, and she rolled onto her side, forcing herself out of bed. Just another day in the life of Jenny Keller. Doctor. CMO. Complete dingbat.

She laughed. At this point, it was pretty much all she could do.

She showered again, if only to fix the matted mess her hair was after going to bed with it wet.

Then she dressed, ignoring the blue wad of material overflowing from the trashcan in her bathroom. It was her day off, so she bypassed her uniform, instead choosing slacks and a long sleeved shirt. Even with the hot shower she still felt chilled from the lack of sleep, lack of food, and lack of energy.

With a deep breath, she braved the rest of the city.

Her first stop was Richard's office, and she wasn't really surprised to see him up as well. She didn't stay. She simply asked him if he would kindly put in a request for information on the little girl and her family the next time the SGC sent their weekly transmission. He agreed to include it in today's data burst.

Jen thanked him, fixed her ponytail, and walked slowly into the mess hall. She ignored everyone, refused to look around, didn't want to know who was there, who wasn't there, who might be there. She just wanted to eat, and return to her quarters to hide.

Eyes forward she walked right to the food line and snatched up a tray, grabbing food without really paying attention to what she was taking. She was hungry. She hadn't eaten supper, and even if she did, whatever she'd had would now be gracing the city's plumbing system anyway.

A bottle of water.

A muffin.

A bowl of fruit.

A bagel.

A package of apple jelly.

"Yeah, can you believe it?" A deep, female voice sounded close behind her in line.

Jen stiffened. She knew that voice.

"I know." A second female voice snickered. "I mean, how can a doctor be afraid of blood, I mean really."

"Did you see how fast she ran away? Damn near burst into tears. Too funny."

More snickers.

"I wonder what happened?"

"Some kind of accident or something."

"I heard she's like a total jinx. No one wants her on their off world team."

"No wonder the Colonel and Ronon wanted to wait for her. Probably wanted to make sure nothing happened to Mr. Woolsey while they were gone."

"Damn. I know. If only they'd wait for me like that."

"Total yum."

"Did you see her last night? She's got to be, what, sixteen?"

"Someone should tell her to dress her age."

"I hear she's got the Colonel's team wrapped around her little finger. There's like this standing order not to mess with her."

"Probably because she'll cry."

"Or run away."

"Or jinx someone."

And on it went.

Jen slid her tray forward, waiting for them to tap her on the shoulder. To acknowledge they knew she was standing a few feet in front of them. To tell them they were just joking with her.

But they didn't.

She wanted to turn around. She wanted to say something. Anything. Something witty. Sarcastic. Scathing. But nothing could even being to sound coherent in her mind so she simply picked up her tray, set it on the nearest table, and walked away.

Jen didn't see the small table in the far corner, its occupants watching her in line. Watching her stiffen. Watching her leave without breakfast. And she didn't see the man who was standing directly behind her in line, listening to the entire conversation.

"Perhaps," Radek turned around to face Lieutenant Thomas, his tray still empty. "You should be more careful of whom you choose to speak about in public."

"And _perhaps_ you should mind your own business, little man." The tall brunette frowned, earning her a snicker from the blond behind her.

"So." Radek pushed his glasses up onto his nose with his middle finger – the choice of digits not lost on the two Lieutenants. "That is how it will be then. Very well."

He turned on his heel and left the cafeteria, his hand reaching for his ear.

"Rodney." He spoke around a few muttered curses in Czech. "We should talk."


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

_I never seen no mountain,  
__Never swam no sea  
__Drownin' in this city  
__Well, it's really up to me_

* * *

Jen blinked, and squinted, surprised to see that she'd actually fallen asleep again. The mid-day sun was now high in the sky, shining brightly through her window with the promise of another warm, sunny day. Too bad she had absolutely no desire to go anywhere other than the sunbeam she was currently laying in.

She sighed and rolled onto her back, her right arm stiff and tingling from sleeping on it. She rubbed her eyes, and closed them again, wondering if she should just go back to sleep. Although now she'd probably had just enough to keep her awake. She made a face. At least she wasn't as tired anymore.

Now if she could do something about the empty ache in her heart, and the equally empty ache in her stomach.

She flopped onto her other side and sat up abruptly when she noticed the cafeteria tray on her nightstand.

She reached for the folded white paper propped up against the bottle of water.

_You forgot this. - Shep  
__PS – lock your door._

Jen started to laugh, then frowned to remember just why she'd forgotten the tray in the first place. Then she groaned as she realized he must have been in the cafeteria when she'd walked out and hoped to heaven he hadn't heard what they were saying. Or thought she was totally scatterbrained enough that she'd walk away without her tray.

Oh yay. Both options were just so appealing.

She sighed, setting the piece of paper onto the bed beside her.

Her stomach grumbled.

"Yeah." She answered. "I know."

Grabbing the muffin she broke a chunk off and stuffed it into her mouth. The muffin was a little dry, the bagel cold, and the water room temperature. But it was food, and it satisfied her stomach.

Finished her snack, she paced her room, debating, then throwing out several things she could do today. Instead settled for one of the mind-numbing romance novels Laura lent her. For an explosives expert, Cadman was certainly a hopeless romantic.

Jen groaned.

If only it were that easy.

Flopping down onto the bed, she pulled off her socks, kicked off her pants, yanked the covers up over her bare legs, and settled in for a day of hiding from the rest of the universe.

* * *

"I still don't understand." Ronon muttered, sighing with exasperation.

"You do not need to understand." Teyla shook her head, swinging the bantos rods around and delivering a quick succession of attacks. "You need to listen."

Ronon countered, spinning away, dodging in with a swing to her shoulders which she easily countered. "I am listening." He muttered, stepping back and spinning the staff.

"Then you are not paying attention." Teyla hoped forward, the rods nearly connecting with his shoulder.

"I am paying attention." He blocked with the staff and swung at her midsection, and she leapt away, bending to avoid connection.

"Then you need to pay _more_ attention." She ordered, swinging at his head, and when it was blocked, sending two low attacks towards his thighs.

Ronon jumped, both rods swishing beneath his feet, but her counter spin caught him in the hip before his feet hit the floor. He staggered to the side and growled in frustration.

Teyla stopped and shook her head, lowering the rods. Stepping to the back of the room she dropped the rods onto her bag and reached for a water bottle.

Ronon grunted and accepted the second bottle of water she threw at him.

Teyla sat on the edge of the bench, gulped several mouthfulls, then recapped the water. "Perhaps you need to listen to what she is _not_ saying."

"She's too quiet." Ronon muttered, dropping down beside her and stretching out his legs.

"It must not have been easy for her." Teyla said quietly.

"Even before that." Ronon added.

"Have you asked her?"

"Haven't had the chance." He muttered.

"Maybe you should… make the chance?" She suggested.

Ronon grunted. He'd tried. He had. But it seemed lately every move he made was being countered and shadowed by everything going on in the city. Training. Missions. More training. The new round of Marines were too soft. He'd tried to tell Sheppard they wouldn't survive their first Wraith attack. And the two women were the worst. If they'd shut up long enough to listen to instruction, they might live past their first mission. Although he had to admit, it was pretty funny watching the blond chasing after Sheppard. It made the Colonel very uncomfortable.

Ronon shook his head. He had no idea what was bothering Jennifer. Talking was not his strong suit. But if he could just get her alone for a few minutes…

It was a task that was proving to be quite difficult lately.

If he was free, she was not.

There was something definitely wrong. Her quick smile seemed harder to come by this past week. And she seemed more distracted than usual. She'd even stopped coming by the mess hall.

And that bothered him more than the rest.

Because somehow he'd come to expect the little addition to their table. And somehow, he'd come to expect the little addition to his meal time. It had become routine. A _welcome_ routine.

He understood the fact that she'd been busy.

And he understood the fact that he'd been busy.

Somehow he needed to figure out how to make them both less busy at the same time.

He'd missed the opportunity last night when she'd left for Earth.

But he'd tried to catch her when she'd come back.

And yet again, fate stepped in.

_She'd looked so lost._

"Ronon?" Teyla's fingers landed on his arm.

He turned.

Teyla smiled. "Come." She stood, packing her bantos rods into her bag. "Let us go. I am hungry."

Ronon laughed. "I don't know why Sheppard's always bothering me about meals. You eat more than I do."

* * *

It was well after supper when Jen finally finished the book. Tossing it onto her nightstand, she spent ten minutes laughing at the thoughts of turning Ronon into a cowboy so she could play the pretty widowed rancher's wife who needs his help chasing off he cattle rustlers… it was all a crock… but he might look really good in a cowboy hat…

It made her laugh so hard she got a cramp in her side.

When the giggles finally subsided, she debated on what to do with the rest of her evening, but her deliberations were interrupted by the chime of her door.

She smiled to herself. The universe may have given her the day, but apparently it wasn't giving her the evening too.

And it sent the one person she couldn't refuse.

Teyla.

"Jennifer." Teyla smiled from the hallway, her son happily gurgling against her shoulder.

"Teyla." Jen grinned and stepped back. "Did you want to come in?"

"No, no." Teyla laughed when Jen reached for the baby. "I came to escort you to the mess hall."

"Escort me?" Jen made a face.

Teyla shrugged. "If I may be honest… Colonel Sheppard wanted to make sure you did not skip another meal. He suggested I… make something up? But I… I could not think of something to make… So I decided to come and ask if you would join me in the mess hall?"

Jen laughed, her fingers captured between the locked tight grip of the little man in her arms. "Okay, but only because you brought the secret weapon here."


	6. Chapter 6

With Teyla holding Torren, Jennifer balanced both trays as they moved onto the balcony.

Her eyes immediately met Ronon's and she felt herself smiling, then laughing, unable to stop herself from seeing the mental picture of him in a cowboy hat.

He raised an eyebrow, and hooked his foot around the leg of the chair next to him, shoving it out for her. She set the trays onto the table and sat beside him.

Rodney and Radek were in the middle of a heated discussion about something one of the teams found off-world, and apparently John was agreeing to allow them to visit in the morning. Both scientists jumped up, making excuses of needing to pack.

"Geeze." Sheppard muttered, moving the chair across from him with his foot for Teyla. "Those guys are worse than kids at Christmas."

"Then why did you agree?" Ronon shook his head.

"They'd be pestering me for the next fifty years if I said no. I'm telling you though, those two are up to something." He muttered, shoving away his empty tray.

Jen snickered at how quickly Teyla managed to deposit the baby into John's arms, before she took her chair. John muttered, but everyone knew it was all a show. Torren owned them all and the little one knew it.

Sitting next to Ronon, Jen quickly relaxed into the easy rhythm of dinner. He swiped the extra roll off her tray before she even realized she'd put it there for him to begin with. He grinned and ripped a chunk off, and she found herself laughing.

The sun had set, leaving streaks of purples and oranges across the sky, and the evening breeze was warm. She settled into dinner, the conversation light and nonsensical, and by the time the last bite was done, Jen felt almost normal and only slightly overheated. She tried to tell herself it was the long sleeved shirt she was still wearing, and not the way Ronon's leg kept brushing hers under the table. Or the look he was giving her every time her leg brushed his. Her body was in knots and she found herself staring intently at him, trying to think of something smart to say, something witty, something to make him think now-hey-that's-what-I'm-talking-about… but she could barely remember to blink.

She'd missed this.

She'd missed him.

"Ah, Dr. Keller." Woolsey called, moving to stand beside the table. "There you are."

Teyla indicated the empty chair beside her. "Mr. Woolsey. Would you care to join us?"

"No, no." He waved her off. "But thank you. I actually just came to deliver this." He handed Jen a tablet, which she accepted curiously. "Information you requested from the SGC in today's data burst."

"Oh." Jen grabbed the tablet with both hands. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Gentlemen. Ladies." With a brief nod he turned and left.

Jen ignored the curious looks from the others and stared down at the tablet. When she touched the screen, the first bit of information that popped up was a copy of the medical reports of Emily and her family. Jen quickly read through them, noting that all three members were doing fine and were expected to make full recoveries.

The next file she opened made her laugh, but tears accompanied the laughter. It a drawing someone at the SGC had scanned for her, a child's crayon sketch that made her smile, and have to wipe a tear from the side of her cheek. A tall skinny stick figure in a blue dress, with messy yellow hair and a big smile, holding hands with a short, stick figure wearing a red dress and wiggly brown hair. The words _Emily_ and _Docter_ _Jenny_ were printed across the bottom.

When she felt the warmth of Ronon's hand on her arm she looked up, and realized the others were watching her with a mix of worry and concern. She laughed, dabbed the corner of her eye with her knuckle, and turned the tablet around so they could all see it.

"Ah…" Teyla smiled. "An excellent likeness."

In the silence that followed, Ronon watched Jen's face while she looked again at the child's drawing, amazed at the range of emotions the woman could project in those few simple seconds. Happiness, relief, sadness, worry. She touched the screen with her fingers, tracing the image of the little girl. Then she shook her head quickly, dismissing whatever she'd been thinking.

She moved her fingers across the tablet, changing the file, and as quickly as the picture changed, so did her expression. She exhaled sharply, and he was instantly concerned.

"What?" He asked, his fingers gripping her arm.

She shook her head, staring at the image on the screen.

"Doc?" John questioned.

Jen closed her eyes, inhaled, then opened them as she breathed out. She handed the tablet to Ronon and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms protectively over her chest.

Ronon wasn't sure if he was ever going to forget the image on the screen. John leaned over, his exhaled curse causing Teyla to stand up and move around the table to peer over Ronon's shoulder.

It was a photograph of Jennifer hunched inside the crushed Earth vehicle. The car was barely distinguishable as a vehicle, it looked more like a broken, twisted heap of metal parts. Crushed between the front end of a larger car, and some kind of post, the mangled wreck was nearly bent in half. Broken glass lay sparkled around the window openings, reflecting in light from above. The two people in the front were clearly visible, eyes closed, bloody. But it was the image in the back seat that caught all their attention. A little girl, her face wet and blotchy from crying, tears clearly visible on her cheeks, a half smile on her face as she tried to laugh. And Jennifer, her open palm cupping the little girl's face, almost nose to nose in the back half of the mashed vehicle, her beautiful smile just for the little girl. The caption below read _Mysterious "Doctor Jenny" saves child's life._

The picture was… overwhelming.

Ronon exhaled. Woolsey hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said the little car was practically destroyed. That Jennifer had taken no mind to any personal injury and climbed right into the back seat – able to reach the child before the rescue workers arrived. She was able to fit through an opening too small for the medics. And she'd done it without any hesitation.

"Shit, Doc." John muttered, leaning back into his seat, adjusting the baby against his shoulder. His eyes moved from Jen to the tablet and back again.

"Yeah." Jen nodded, shaking her head quickly and blinking away the memories. "I didn't even realize there were any reporters there."

"I believe you were otherwise occupied." Teyla said softly, returning to her chair.

Ronon glanced once more at the photo. He'd heard the story from Woolsey, but had yet to hear it from her. Although now, he wasn't sure he needed the words. The picture spoke of everything in a single snap of time.

He let his fingers linger a moment longer than necessary when he handed back the tablet. The look on her face now was soft and sad, and he had a sudden desire to pick her up and carry her away. To make her forget everything. To make her remember only him. To bring back the smile she'd had only a few moments earlier.

He watched her switch back to the photo of the drawing, the laugher returning slowly to her eyes as she smiled at the picture. "I think I've just found my new screen saver." She finally laughed, easing the tension at the table as the others agreed.

An echo of laugher from the balcony doors turned their heads.

Jen felt her body tensing even before she realized she was doing it.

_Of course._

Lieutenants Thomas and Lewis moved onto the empty balcony, and spotting the others, made their way to the table directly beside them.

"Colonel." Both women saluted smartly, their trays balanced in their free hands.

"At ease, Lieutenants." John nodded, and the two women too their seats at the adjoining table.

"Cute baby, sir." Lieutenant Lewis commented with a flirty smile.

Teyla leaned forward, her smile friendly but her eyes wary. "I do not believe I have had the pleasure."

John muttered an apology and made the introductions, and Jen almost cringed when he got to her. She looked towards the two women, their surprise evident in their eyes.

"You're Doctor Keller?" Thomas asked, enthralled. "I mean, I've seen you around, uh… ma'am. I guess I just never put the face to the name. I somehow thought you'd be… older."

"Sixteen?" Jen said pointedly.

"I'm sorry?" Jane angled her head.

_No you're not_, Jen thought. Instead she smiled lightly. "It's okay. It happens a lot. I'm an old soul."

"Old soul?" Teyla looked quizzically at Jen.

"I'll explain later." Jen nodded, pushing her chair back. She clutched the tablet to her chest, unable to sit still. Unable to wait and see if they had the guts to try to cut her up to her face. She didn't want anyone to hear it... didn't want Ronon to hear it... didn't want them to see the look on her face when she couldn't hear it.

"I should go return this to Woolsey. I'll ah… see you later?" She looked casually around the table, but her eyes lingered on Ronon.

She really wanted to see him later. Needed to.

She waited.

Was that a nod?

Or was she just hoping it was a nod, and her mind perceived it?

God sometimes she hated the fact that he moved so silently. Half the time she had no idea what was going on behind those green eyes.

When she realized she was standing there, staring at him like a complete ninny, she flushed and muttered an apology.

She turned away, taking several steps before she realized she should probably take her dirty dishes back with her. She spun around, catching sight of Lieutenant Thomas already occupying her barely vacated chair, and Lieutenant Lewis sitting in the empty seat next to Teyla.

_Well that didn't take long, now did it?_

Jen took a single step back towards the table, her eyes not missing how Jane leaned into Ronon when she shifted in her seat. Jen wanted to walk right back and tell them all she'd changed her mind, she wasn't going anywhere and to give her the seat back. To wedge herself in between the Lieutenant and Ronon and shove Jane right back to her own table and chair.

And that really would make her sixteen years old.

Jen clenched her fingers into fists and quickly spun back around, making it to the balcony doors before she changed her mind and turned back, then changed her mind again and left.

Ronon watched Jen turn twice to come back, and turn twice more to leave, the expression on her face shifting through emotions so quickly he couldn't decide what she was thinking.

He debated going after her, when he caught Teyla's pointed glare.

"What?" he growled.

"Have you forgotten our discussion already?" She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head.

"What discussion?" John interrupted, ignoring Sarah's question about an upcoming mission.

"Nothing." Ronon shook his head, his eyes on the balcony doors.

Teyla cleared her throat.

Ronon glanced at her across the table.

Teyla raised her eyebrow very slowly, then she casually looked down to Ronon's right arm.

He followed her gaze, taking note of Lieutenant Thomas' arm, which was stretched out, length for length, almost touching his.

He glanced back at Teyla, not sure what her point was. Yes, he knew the Lieutenant was being overly friendly… it wasn't like he was doing anything to encourage it. If anything the woman was becoming a bit of an annoyance.

Teyla rolled her eyes, and gave him a sharp kick under the table.

"Ow." He muttered. "What was that for?"

Teyla angled her head towards the balcony doors, and glared at Ronon.

"You two suck at charades." John looked from Teyla to Ronon.

"I love charades." Lieutenant Lewis smiled at Sheppard.

Ronon grimaced. "I have to go." He stood abruptly, almost laughing out loud at the don't-leave-me look on Sheppard's face.

"I should probably go as well." Teyla smiled, standing slowly.

"I'll walk you." John stood, shifting Torren to his other arm. "Lieutenants." He nodded.

* * *

"I like _charades_?" Jane whispered harshly. "Way to impress. _No_ one likes charades."

"Well I do!" Sarah pouted.

"Yeah well, next time just keep it to yourself." Jane muttered. "You scared him away."

"I scared him away?" Sarah snickered. "You moved so fast he probably thought your next step was going to be in his lap."

"Yeah well…" Jane snickered. "I'd _love_ to be in his lap."

"You've already tried just about everything…" Sarah laughed. "You're almost out of tricks."

"Oh no," Jane smiled slowly. "I still have a few… secrets."

"Just… don't do anything stupid."

"Who me?" Jane said innocently. "Sneaky, yes. Underhanded, yes. Stupid? Not when it comes to the opposite sex."

Sarah laughed. "I don't know… you might have some competition! Did you see how Dr. Keller was watching him? She was totally into him."

"Oh please." Jane waved her fork in the air dismissively. "Like she'd be getting any of that! I mean, what could she possibly have to offer?"

"I told you that was her today in the cafeteria."

"Pfft. So what if it was?"

"Well, she's the CMO." Sarah cautioned.

"Civilian." Jane shook her head. "Not Military. She's got no power. Besides, what could she possibly do? Cry on me?"

"You're such a bitch." Sarah laughed.

Jane grinned. "_And_ I get to carry a gun. Who could possibly resist?"

.

.

.

_A/N -- Thanks to everyone and their comments and suggestions! I'm going to be away until Tuesday but will update as soon as I get back! :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note - Thanks to everyone for their reviews and comments!! Apologies if I haven't answered personally -- I've been away and hope to catch up shortly! Here's the next chapter! _

* * *

Jen left the mess hall, completely lost in the unwanted memories of her high-school days. These two Lieutenants were giving her such a nasty case of the flashbacks, she suddenly felt like she was back in her freshman year… fighting with locker combinations and class schedules before she was old enough to have a driver's licence.

She was teased… tormented… taunted… and tempted… all because she was almost five years younger than everyone else. She was too young to go on any of the school trips, couldn't be included in any of the sports without special permission slips, and wasn't invited to any of the parties because, well, she wasn't even old enough to drive… how the heck was she supposed to get there?

A group of the senior cheerleaders once overheard her thanking one of the football players who was kind enough to help pick up the armload of books she dropped when he opened the door into her shoulder… and she never lived it down. Tormenting notes in her locker… taunts in the locker room… elbows and shoves in the hallways. They'd stolen her books, locked her in classrooms, and teased her from the front of their car's while she waited for the city bus ever day after school.

Men might be jerks… but women were vicious.

It had been, by far, the worst years of her life and here she was… reliving it all over again… in another galaxy.

She sighed and shook her head.

This was so stupid.

She wasn't that geeky kid anymore, stuck for eight hours a day with people 5 years her senior. She wasn't in high-school. She wasn't even on Earth.

She was a full grown woman, the Chief Medical Officer of an incredibly top-secret military expedition, and she graduated with higher marks than that entire cheerleading squad combined.

Jen stopped in the middle of the hallway, her arms tightly threaded around her midsection. She'd had years to practice answers to all the taunts she used to get from those cheerleaders… years to think of what she'd do, and say, if she could go back and do it again… years of if-I-knew-then-what-I-know-now, and what was she doing?

Running away.

Damn them for doing it to her again.

She had absolutely no plan of attack other than finding some way of telling that… that… brunette bimbo to keep her grubby paws to herself. Or… or… or… else? Or else what? Or else… she would… yeah… okay so maybe that wouldn't really work… Or maybe she could say something smart? No, being smart is what got her in trouble in the first place. Maybe if she asked nicely? Told the Lieutenant that Ronon was sort of, otherwise, taken, then maybe she'd back off? He _was_ taken, right? Technically it wouldn't really be a lie… she could be forceful if she knew it was the truth. So she just had to believe it was the truth.

Yes.

Okay.

That wouldn't work either.

So… get tough!

And say… what? They're Marines. They carry weapons. They'd have you stuffed in a locker, covered in flour and holding a candle, faster than you could say Freshman-Bake. But you're…

Um…

Oh hell.

Back to asking nicely.

With a deep breath and a muttered prayer for courage, she spun around and ran smack into Ronon.

"Doc." He acknowledged.

"Gah." Jen muttered, stepping back quickly with an embarrassed flush, the entire tough-girl act flipping right over her shoulder and getting lost. "I'm sorry…"

He frowned. "You okay?"

"Yes. No. I mean… Oh, I don't know." She sighed, her mind completely unable to put into words what her heart couldn't even explain. He was here though, wasn't he? He wasn't there… with them… he was here… with her? Okay so that was… good? "I'm sorry." She shook her head, realizing she was standing there like an idiot, staring at him. "What, ah… what are you… where were you heading?" She trailed off.

He started to smile. "Looking for you."

"Really?" She blinked. "You were?"

He nodded. "Shouldn't I be?"

"No. I mean… yes? I… I'm sorry. Is there… was there… ah… is there something wrong?"

"No." He inched forward, forcing her to tilt her head all the way back to keep eye contact. "Nothing… _specific_…"

Staring up into his eyes, Jen felt an extra skip in her heart beat. He stood close enough she could feel his body heat, but far enough away that they weren't actually touching. Goodness but the heat the man radiated always gave her the shivers. It was bad enough she'd been regressed to feeling like she was in high-school, apparently her hormone levels had dropped her right back into drooling over the football player. Not that Tim Roberts, high-school quarterback, could even _compare_ with one very big, very broad, very… _very_… Ronon Dex…

With an answering wave of heat, she inhaled sharply and felt the tremor convulsing through her lower abdomen. "Is there an… um… _un_-specific reason, then?" Jen bit her lower lip trying to fight the urge to throw her arms around him and demand he take her right there in the hallway.

Ronon angled his head, nuzzling the air next to her cheek. "Maybe," he growled.

Jen shivered.

"Is it _later_ yet?" His breath was hot against the side of her neck, yet still their bodies never touched.

"Later?" She whispered, angling her head, so her neck was exposed to the heat of his breath.

"You said you'd see me later…" Ronon reminded her of her parting words only a few moments before.

"Oh." Jen exhaled against the hollow of his throat. "Do you want it to be?"

He growled.

She trembled slightly and inhaled, her mind slowly leaving all cognitive thought behind. She slowly inched up onto the tips of her toes and whispered in his ear. "Okay. It's later."

She could almost hear his answering smile.

"Dr. Keller, this is Dr. McKay."

Jen froze.

Rodney repeated his call.

With a loud groan she dropped back down onto her heels, wanting desperately to ignore the radio call in her ear. Rodney would never let her go if he needed something.

She reached for her ear. "Go ahead, Rodney."

"Dr. Zelenka and I request your presence in my lab, as soon as possible."

Berating herself and cursing fate, as she smacked her forehead several times against Ronon's chest until his hands stopped her.

"Who stabbed who?" She muttered into the front of Ronon's shirt. "And how big of a medical kit do I need to bring?"

"I… what? No. No one's hurt. Although I could… ouch! Yes, yes I'm asking her! Jeeze. Would you relax already! Sorry. We simply need your… medical opinion."

"And you're _sure_ no one's hurt."

"No. I mean yes. I'm sure."

"Is it urgent?"

"Well of course it's urgent."

"Okay." She sighed. "I'll be right there."

"Good. McKay out."

Jen lowered her hand, and fisted a large clump of Ronon's shirtfront. "I'm sorry."

"Can I kill him this time?" Ronon asked into her hair.

She laughed and raised her head. "No. But I'd better go before someone gets hurt. Probably Radek. I think it's his turn."

Ronon shook his head. "Want company?"

"Yes." She laughed, then shook her head, releasing the front of his shirt and straightening the material with her palms. "No. I could be… awhile. So… um… later?" She took a few steps back then stopped.

"There's always later."

"Promise?" Jen winced as the word slipped out. Yeah, that was mature.

"Promise."

She smiled, and turned to leave, took two steps, turned back, and stepped in front of him, her palms resting on either side of his cheek to guide his head down. She kissed him, her mouth seeking his, the kiss soft and wishful. She released him but his hands quickly trapped her and his mouth plundered, his tongue reminding her of just what _later_ entailed. When he broke away, she fell forward into him, her knees not quite ready to lock on their own.

He grinned.

She groaned.

"Maybe I'll kill him this time." She muttered. Then she turned and hurried towards the transporter, the sound of Ronon's laughter following her through the corridor.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is that a _toilet_?" Jen pointed to the familiar looking object sitting on the floor next to Rodney's desk.

McKay and Zelenka jumped up from the desk and rushed over to pull her away from any further examination.

"Ignore that." Rodney muttered, hooking his arm through hers and pulling her towards his computer.

"Okay." She shook her head, then gave the two men a quick once-over. "So what's wrong? I don't see any blood…"

Rodney made a face. "I told you no one was injured."

"Yet." Radek muttered.

Rodney cuffed him.

Jen's eyes narrowed. "Okay, what's going on…"

"Nothing, nothing." Radek mumbled, holding out a stool for Jen next to Rodney's computer.

Rodney shoved Jen onto the empty stool and swung his monitor towards her. "You know about the lab we found on MR2-187?"

"Yes." Jen nodded, quickly recalling the mission report from last week's SGA-7 excursion. They'd discovered a laboratory that looked Ancient in design and equipment, but with additions that seem to have been put in place over the last fifty years. It was abandoned, but apparently still under full power. Rodney and Radek had downloaded information from the Ancient database and returned to Atlantis to analyze it.

"This was in the database." Rodney opened a file on his computer.

Jen leaned closer, at first scanning, then stopping to close in on a detail, before scanning again.

"These are medical files."

"Well, duh." Rodney rolled his eyes.

Radek cleared his throat. "We were hoping you could tell us what they are for?"

Jen frowned, pausing to return to the start of one of the files. "It's hard to say… some of the information is missing…"

"As I said, Rodney." Radek crossed his arms. "It was only half."

"It was not half." Rodney argued. "I downloaded everything in the database."

"The first database." Radek pushed his glasses up his nose. "I tried to tell you there was a second, but like usual-"

"Yes, yes and like usual your nattering probably distracted me to the point of-"

"Gentlemen?" Jen interrupted.

They turned towards her.

"From what I can tell from the information that _is_ here, these are case files on various illnesses. Everything from rashes to poisons to war wounds."

"War wounds?" Rodney blinked.

"You know, gunshots, knife wounds, broken bones, lacerations, amputations…"

"Oh. Right." Rodney blanched at the word _amputation_.

"The files indicate information on treatments… but that part is blank. Can we get access to the rest of the files? I'd be really interested in seeing what they list for treatments on some of these. A couple resemble things we've come across already."

"Treatment for amputation?" Radek frowned.

Jen smiled. "I doubt that. But this Cassan Snake bite is of definite interest. And this one… the symptoms of the rash certainly resemble the one that took out Major Connor's team a couple of months ago. Horribly painful. A local treatment would definitely be beneficial."

Rodney grinned. "Perfect. It's settled then."

"What's settled?" Jen looked from one scientist to the other.

"You're coming with us."

"Coming with you where?"

"Back to MR2-187. We're leaving at oh-eight-hundred."

"Oh. Nonono." Jen shook her head. "No need. You can just bring the information back, like you did here."

"Oh, nonono." Rodney mimicked her panicked stammer. "You're coming with us. There's much more to see than just the database."

"But I-" Jen argued.

"No buts." Rodney pulled Jen up off the stool, then took the tablet Radek was suddenly holding, and stuffed it into her hands. With his fingers lightly gripping her shoulders he turned her and propelled her out through the doors of the lab. "We've taken the liberty of putting a copy of the files on here for you to review tonight. Be in the gate room at eight sharp. Don't make us come get you."

"But…"

"Cures?" Rodney reminded her. "Solutions? Possible ways to save human life?"

Jen sighed, then nodded. "You're right, you're right."

"I know." Rodney smiled, closing the door to his lab and leaving Jen standing in the hallway, gripping the tablet.

She sighed, realizing that prepping for the _mission_ was going to take up her _later_ time with Ronon. But Rodney was right. If there were cures in the database, she needed to get the information. Even if it meant going off world.

Oh crap.

She stopped mid stride.

She'd just agreed to go off world.

* * *

Standing in the gate-room at ten to eight, Jen kicked herself for the hundredth time since she'd left McKay's lab over eight hours ago. With two hours of sleep she hoped the double shot of the crap they called coffee would keep her awake enough to be functional.

Staring at the tablet in her hands, she continued to scroll through the hundreds of files, working her way slowly through the back half of the database. She was in the process of reading a list of very nasty side effects from a seemingly harmless yellow flower when a shadow fell across the screen.

"Doc."

Jen glanced up, slightly flushed to see Ronon standing beside her, the memory of his arrival in her quarters last night giving her goosebumps. Obviously he'd talked to McKay before he'd come by because he'd already known she had hours of work to do. So instead of coming in, he'd turned his _later_ into a kiss that left her bedraggled and mentally stunned. Then he turned her around, pushed her back into her quarters, and ordered to finish her work. She'd stood in the middle of her floor, her insides complete jelly, while her body slowly realized he wasn't coming back. Then she debated killing McKay, yet again.

Ronon grinned and she flushed further. "Hey." She finally mustered, tucking the tablet under her arm.

"You ready?"

Jen shook her head. "No… but…"

He shook his head. "It'll be fine."

"Say's you." She mumbled, turning towards the group entering from the hallway.

"Say's me." He answered.

Jen watched the procession of people with a mix of humor and horror. Rodney and Radek lead the way, each sporting well packed knapsacks, arguing the benefits of needing a jumper instead of walking. John and Teyla followed behind, explaining the terrain and the lack of landing space near the laboratory. Behind them, Major Lorne and Captain Zeeman exchanged weary glances at the age-old argument, and bringing up the rear, Lieutenants Thomas and Lewis looked excited, eager, and completely ready to take on the world… Jen included.

"What?" Ronon asked, turning towards her.

"Hmm?" She tore her gaze away from the two Marine's and looked up at Ronon.

"You looked… angry." He said with surprise, glancing over at the two Lieutenants then back to Jen. "Something wrong?"

"I'm fine." She mumbled, turning away from what was obviously her punishment for being an evil, evil person in a previous life. She tried her best to ignore Evan's conversation with Thomas and Lewis, his easy banter making her want to smack them… and him for paying attention to them in the first place.

Velcroing her tablet in behind her back, a trick she'd learned from McKay, she stood to the side and waited for the wormhole to stabilize.

With John and Ronon taking the lead, weapons ready even on an empty planet, Jen felt her heartbeat skipping into high gear moments before she stepped through the event horizon.

She really, really, didn't like gate travel.


	9. Chapter 9

The gate was in the middle of a forest.

No wonder jumper travel was impossible. The forest had completely taken over the area surrounding the gate, and judging from the massive trunks to the side of the giant ring, it had been many, many years since anyone was here.

It was only after the life-signs detector showed up blank that everyone relaxed, and the hike began.

Ten minutes into the thirty minute trek, conversation switched to the mundane, and Jen found herself listening – well eavesdropping – on Lewis and Thomas.

"… can't believe anyone can sleep in this city with that racket going on." Sarah muttered.

"I know." Jane answered. "That intermittent beeping kept me up all night. I searched all over my quarters. Couldn't find it anywhere. I swear whatever it is knows I'm looking for it. The minute I'd get close it would beep somewhere else in my room. Slept with my pillow over my head!"

"Have you figured out the hot water?" Sarah asked.

Jane shook her head. "Everyone says just wave your hand and voila, but all I get is cold."

"You'd think people who could build a flying city could figure out flush toilets." Sarah muttered.

"At least yours doesn't explode when you try to flush it." Jane shook her head.

Jen stumbled. Exploding toilet? She spun around and glared at Rodney. He and Radek, who were following behind her, caught up, and stopped.

"What?" Rodney glanced down when she blocked his path.

Jen glanced at the retreating Lieutenants, and turned back to the two scientists. "Did you jimmy their toilet?"

"Oh please." Rodney muttered. "I'm not even going to dignify that-"

"Yes." Radek nodded. "We did."

"Brilliant." Rodney rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just confess to the rest, too?"

"The rest?" Jen looked back over her shoulder to make sure they were still alone. "What did you do?"

"Oh relax. It's nothing that would require any medical attention." Rodney grinned. "Some of it was quite brilliant if I do say so myself. And I do. Say so. They deserve everything they're getting."

"Rodney, you can't torment people just because you don't like them."

"Why the hell not?" Rodney crossed his arms. "Those two have been nothing but testosterone excuses with breasts. I've had just about enough of their condescending crap. Did you hear they had Miko in tears because she bothered to introduce herself? I had to order Dr. Nugasaki not to let his python loose in their rooms, and poor Mary Schumerman almost fainted when one of them threatened to cut off her ponytail simply because Mary had the ill-advised gumption to offer to show Lewis and Clarke how a wraith stunner worked. Scientists have feelings too you know."

"Okay… well… you can't… booby trap people's toilets. No matter how… annoying they are."

"Aha!" Rodney wiggled his index finger in front of her nose. "Admit it, Doctor Shut-up-and-take-it. You have a problem with them, too."

"No… I…"

"Yea." Rodney nodded. "Exactly. Come on. Out with it. Which high-school flashback has you going? I've seen the way you look at them. There's one in there somewhere, Miss I-advanced-four-grades. Wedgies in the hallway? Face shoved in gravy in the lunch line? Being forced to wear your underwear on your head?"

"Being shoved naked into the gymnasium in the middle of girls gym practice?" Radek muttered.

Jen and Rodney turned towards him.

"Ouch." Rodney muttered, his hand patting Zelenka's shoulder sympathetically.

Radek shook his head. "Horrors."

"Freshman Bake." Jen sighed.

"Wow." Rodney nodded at Jen.

"What is… Freshman Bake?" Radek asked, his glasses sliding down his nose. He shoved them back up and looked inquisitively between Jen and Rodney.

"They drag you out of the shower, cover you in flower, tape a candle to your hand and shove you in a locker." Rodney nodded at Jen, then shook his head with a shudder. "Horrible."

"From the shower?" Radek blinked. "Then you are…" He looked down at her shoes then back up to her flushed face.

"Yeah." Jen nodded. "Apparently water makes the flower stick better."

"That's…"

"Typical." Rodney nodded. "So you see… we had to do something. They're a menace on anyone who isn't military!"

Jen sighed. She couldn't really argue. If she'd been in any position to give them a little hurt she would probably have done the same.

"Please tell me you're not planning anything while we're here."

"We're not planning anything while we're here." Rodney repeated dutifuly.

"Why don't I believe you?" Jen sighed.

"I take offence to that..." Rodney blinked.

Radek remained suspiciously silent.

"Hey!" Ronon's growl cut the silence of the forest.

They all turned to watch him hop effortlessly over a log, as he approached them from the side. "Move." He ordered, angling his head in the direction of the others.

"Yeah, yeah." Rodney muttered. "We're moving, we're moving."

* * *

The laboratory was almost as overgrown as the Stargate. The building was small… low… and dwarfed by trees and vines, vegetation and plant life. The ivy had been cut from around what was apparently the only door. It was a single story, it's rusted metal walls now home to hundreds of bugs and plants. However the inside was a complete opposite. Stark and clean, it's white walls were nearly blinding as Rodney brought up the lights. The facility was small, and not really the laboratory Jen was expecting. Instead it contained three large rooms surrounding a central observation area. Three walls of the observation room were glass, the forth was solid, containing the door to the room, as well as monitors and controls. Next to the door stood a massive box… dark brown and oddly placed against a bank of monitors, it looked out of place.

The team spread out around the facility, while Rodney, Radek and Jen made their way inside. Each wall was transparent, and Radek showed Jennifer the control that allowed them to change the opacity of each wall. The clear setting allowed them to see in and out through the glass, the dark setting turned it into a one-way-mirror. They could see into the room, but those in the room saw only their reflection. It was a great way to observe patients unobtrusively.

From an access room back along the main hallway, Rodney and Zelenka took almost thirty minutes to access the second database, and once they did, they set to work downloading it to their tablets. The download was slow and tedious, and wouldn't be accessible until the entire file was completed.

In the mean time, the others moved off to explore the outside of the facility, with orders from Rodney not to touch anything. Jen wandered around the observation room, choosing to wait for Rodney to finish his files, instead of taking a chance with her luck outside.

She wandered over to the giant box, her curiosity piquing as she noted it definitely didn't match the design of the building. It wasn't Ancient, but it wasn't new, either. At least seven feet long, it stood three feet high and four feet deep. The dark brown surface was completely smooth, with no obvious indication of what it was other than… a giant box. Inset into the surface was a control panel that lay dark and dormant. She hesitated to touch it, then decided to leave it to the experts. Instead she peered around the back, noting the three clear tubes attached just below the lip of the top. Each the size of a football, the two on the ends contained a clear liquid, and the third tube in the middle appeared to be empty. From the bottom of the box, cables and wires snaked out and disappeared into the wall behind it.

"Boo!" Thomas voice echoed in the empty room, and Jen jumped hard enough to bash the side of her hand on a control panel.

"Mature." She muttered, shaking her wrist, then glaring at the two Lieutenants. "Shouldn't you be doing drills or something?"

"Nothing out there." Sarah shrugged. "Thought we'd check out the inside."

Jane was leaning over the back of the giant box, her fingers tapping the clear glass container. Sarah wandered around the room, humming to herself, peering out through the glass into the other rooms. Jen's hands swung up in protest as Jane reached for the flat panel on the surface of the box.

"Don't-"

With a sudden clatter the door behind them swung shut, two sharp claxons sounded and the screen on the front of the box flashed to life.

"…touch that." Jen sighed, rolling her eyes.

"What?" Thomas muttered, stepping away from the box. "I didn't do anything."

"It's locked." Sarah announced from the door, her attempts to push and pull it going unheeded. "I think we're trapped."

"Perfect." Jen muttered under her breath. "I'm now officially in Hell."


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Notes - Okay I tried to keep it angsty only, but the suspense bunnies attacked and I couldn't do it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to bow to their will. I have discovered that I can barely write a story without something happening to someone (usually Jen). Sigh. But hopefully you like where it's going and how it gets there._ :P_ Also - to answer the question of why there are so many people on the mission, the new recruits are still in training for new worlds, and since technically this world was inhabited... it was supposed to be an easy offworld experience. Whoops. :)_

* * *

Jen tried her radio, but all she got was static. Lieutenants Thomas and Lewis tried their radios, but all they got was static. She wondered why she even bothered telling them the radios didn't work… they just tried themselves anyway. Of course they wouldn't believe her.

Jane moved towards the box and the screen.

"Don't touch it." Jen ordered, but Jane ignored her.

"This thing closed the door," Jane poked the screen with her index finger. "So, it must also open it."

"Is that supposed to be doing that?" Sarah pointed to the glass vials along the back side of the case. Jen stepped to the far side and watched as the two end vials, their liquid once clear, were now slowly draining, but it was the middle vial that caught her attention. Two streams of liquid filled into the sides of the vial… one yellow, the other blue. The resulting green mixture swirled and congealed, filling the container.

Something struggled forward in Jen's mind… something familiar about the vials and mixing colors. Something she'd read… no heard… something very specific about vials and colors… vials and colors…

Something… Rodney said?

No… no, not McKay. _Cadman_.

"Did it work?" Jane looked over at Sarah, who tried the door again.

"Nope." Sarah muttered. "Try something else."

Crap. Jen exhaled, the memory surfacing with a vengeance.

She leapt around the side of the box and shoved Jane as hard as she could, sending the Lieutenant staggering to the side.

"Don't touch it!" Jen cried.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Jane frowned, her hands on her hips.

"Because it's a bomb." Jen pointed to the box.

"It's a bomb." Jane rolled her eyes.

Sarah laughed. "How can you possibly know it's a bomb?"

"Because I read mission reports." Jen answered.

Jane stepped towards the console but Jen blocked her way, countering the Lieutenant's movement.

"Move, Doctor." Jane stepped back and glared at Jen.

"No." Jen shook her head, remembering Laura's conversation in her head. _Genii bomb… liquids mixing first stage… second stage explosion took out half the village… pretty colors though…_

The first bomb the locals found had taken out half the village. They'd contacted Atlantis before they touched the second one. But those vials had been the size of a fist. If Laura's estimates were right, this particular explosive could take out the room, the compound, and maybe even the land clear back to the Stargate.

"Look, Doctor Keller." Jane frowned. "I'm not staying stuck in some idiotic laboratory because you've got some bizarre notion the box is a bomb. Last time I checked, medical doctors weren't explosive experts."

Sarah laughed, but with slightly less humor. She moved to stand next to Jane.

"Dr. McKay will have us out of here shortly. In the mean time I suggest we just sit back and wait." Jen suggested with a shake of her head.

"Trapped in an ancient laboratory that does god-knows-what and you want me to wait for some _scientist_? I don't think so." Jane stepped forward again, her hands reaching around Jen towards the console. "I said… move!"

Jen's core reaction was to fight. She couldn't let the woman lay another finger on the console. Not with so much at stake. Not with everyone's life hanging. Not when there was even the slightest chance that touching that console would set off the third trigger. The first trigger was the bomb's activation, and most likely the sealing of the door. The second was mixing the chemicals. The third would be the explosion, and there was no way Jen could let that happen.

She went for the gun.

* * *

Fueled by McKay's panicked message, John slid to a stop inside the first empty room, his eyes on the glass wall of the observation area.

He cursed, cursed again, and then cursed a third time just because he couldn't think of anything else to say. Zeeman, Rodney and Radek ran into the room behind him, and an echoing stream of curses faded out on top of John's.

Through the glass, on the opposite side of the room, they could see Evan, Ronon, and Teyla slam into the other empty room, their eyes also locked on the scene inside the glassed in room.

Dr. Keller stood in front of the oblong box, gun in her hand, the barrel aimed directly at Lieutenant Thomas, who had her hands in the air, but barely. Since Thomas' holster was empty, it was her own revolver she was being held at bay with. Lieutenant Lewis, still standing by the door, had her P90 trained on the doctor, and there was a seriously heated shouting match going on by all parties. Dr. Keller was shaking, both her hands wrapped around the handle of the revolver while she shouted at Lieutenant Thomas. Thomas looked stupidly pissed off and was shouting back with just as much gusto, her hands dropping lower until Keller's weapon wiggled and Jane raised her arms again. Lewis, her gun trained on Jennifer, was giving her own round of orders.

Without being able to hear, John knew the room was volatile to the point of someone getting hurt… or worse… killed.

"God damn it McKay!" He shouted. "What the hell happened!"

"How should I know!" Rodney yelled back. "We were in the other room! An alarm sounded and the door sealed. It's cut off communication. They can't hear us."

"Get the damn door open!" John ordered.

Rodney and Radek spun and ran back into the hallway.

John stepped up to the glass, his eyes on Lewis, waving his hands to get her attention. He stepped to the side, angling him behind Jennifer. When Lewis finally caught sight of him, he ordered her to lower her weapon. She shook her head quickly, looking back at Jennifer.

John tried again, this time mouthing the words _that's an order_.

Inside the room, Jennifer's racing heart and elevated adrenaline was the only thing keeping her on her feet. She could barely think straight, the sight of the P90 barrel kicking through her insides with a screaming blast of pure fear. She felt Lewis hesitation, but couldn't take her eyes off Thomas. The stupid Lieutenant was going to kill them all.

Lewis was ordering her to drop the gun. Jen was ordering her to drop _her_ gun. Thomas was ordering Lewis to shoot Jen. Jen was ordering Thomas to back off or she'd kill them all.

It was a nasty loop of shouts and curses and it wasn't getting them anywhere except closer to being dead, and all Jen could hear outside of the screaming was the fear-panicked chant of _oh-god-oh-god-oh-god_ echoing through her mind.

Jen was pretty sure the only thing that saved her life so far was Lieutenant Lewis' hesitation to shoot the CMO. If Jen had just been a regular doctor… there was no question in her mind she'd have been dead on the floor the minute she pulled the revolver on Thomas. But she was running out of time. Jane was getting louder, and Sarah was getting antsy.

"What the hell are you doing!" Thomas barked at Lewis, when Sarah slowly lowered the P90.

"It's an order!" Sarah hesitated, her eyes shifting to something behind Jen's shoulder.

Jen couldn't look. Orders meant higher up. Higher up meant Evan or John. Someone was here. Someone was helping. But she couldn't turn around to see who. Her vision was tunneled on Jane's body… _eyes, shoulders, hips telegraph the next move…_ Ronon's words echoed through her mind. _Never turn your back on your opponent._

"He's not in here!" Jane spat.

"Damn it, Jane." Sarah muttered, releasing her weapon, and looking around them. "Look behind you."

Jane chanced a glance over her shoulder, and what she saw obviously kicked something into place because her shoulders dropped and she sighed.

"You know, Doc," Jane shook her head, turning back towards Jen. "I think I really hate you right now."

Jen couldn't bring herself to look. She watched television. She saw the movies. It was the oldest trick in the book. Distract them and then go for the gun. But Sarah had stood down. And Jane stopped yelling. There had to be _something_ to it.

After a lifetime of hesitation, Jen decided to chance it.

But not before walking all the way back across the room until she was far enough from Lieutenant Thomas the woman would need to run to get to her. Time enough to correct her aim if she needed to. Crap. She really shouldn't need to. She was a doctor. What the hell was she doing?

_Saving him._

_Saving them._

It was all she _could_ do.

Jen felt her back hit the far windowed wall, and with a panic-filled breath she shifted her eyes, but not the gun. And what she saw drew all her attention, and oxygen.

Standing on the other side of the wall, directly behind Thomas and Lewis, stood Ronon, Evan, and Teyla, each with weapons raised and aimed, fingers on triggers.

But it was who they were aiming at that stole Jen's breath.

They were all aiming at Jane and Sarah.

Jen chanced a quick glance over her shoulder, and met the very concerned, very angry eyes of John Sheppard. She turned back into the room, her body trembling with the realization that it might actually be okay.

She tried to think… couldn't quite get her mind to move. Her eyes moved to the glass wall behind the two Lieutenants, searching for strength. Searching for courage. Knowing the others were there and without hesitation had chosen sides settled into her abdomen and grew outward in a word.

_Trust_.

She inhaled, trying to figure out how to do what she needed to do next.

"Weapons on the floor." She finally said, her voice raw from the shouting match that took place only moments before. She cleared her throat and ordered it again.

Sarah quickly removed her P90 and revolver and set them on the floor.

"Kick them away." Jen ordered.

Jane frowned.

"Just do it, Jane." Sarah muttered.

"Slowly!" Jen ordered, when Jane's eyes narrowed.

"Oh for god sake, Jane." Sarah muttered, moving to stand next to Jane to unclip her P90, dropping it onto the floor next to the other weapons.

"Back up." Jen ordered, her fingers cramping on the gun. Sarah grabbed the back of Jane's TAC vest and hauled her back against the far window.

Both women complied, slowly, but Jen had a feeling it was the firepower behind them that had them obeying, and not her futile power-trip.

"Okay. Now don't move." Jen stepped across the room towards her knapsack, which was lying on the floor. Grabbing it and tossing it behind her, Jen retreated to the corner, and used her left hand to dig into the bag.

She was immensely glad she was such a neat freak that everything had it's place, and she immediately found what she was looking for. A black marker.

Walking backwards until she was once again next to the glass window, she quickly checked to make sure Sheppard was still there.

Taking a deep breath, she switched the revolver to her left hand, and pulled the cap of the marker with her teeth. Spitting the lid onto the floor she angled her arm so she could write on the window. Doing her best to keep one eye on Jane and Sarah, and the other on what she was doing, she wrote on the glass.

The letters were backwards – and hopefully properly mirrored so the Colonel could read them from his side. If she did it correctly, he would see two words.

B O M B

C A D M A N

With a quick glance over her shoulder, it was very difficult to miss Sheppard's mouthed reply.

_Fuck_.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been almost ninety minutes since Jen had given Sheppard her message. And ninety minutes since he'd given his own.

Using a tablet, he'd typed out a message and held it up to the glass beside Thomas and Lewis. Jennifer was in charge, and under no circumstances were they to move from their current position unless she ordered them too.

And boy was Jane pissed.

Jen could feel the animosity oozing off the Lieutenant from the other side of the room. The room that contained the bomb. The bomb that could take out half a city.

And everyone in it.

Including the man who stood sentry behind her, his shadow falling over her crouched body as she sat against the wall of glass, her knees tucked against her chest.

The others held various positions in the three rooms, including Rodney and Radek. Sheppard had ordered them to leave the door alone until Lorne and Zeeman returned with Cadman.

Jen really, really hoped they returned soon. Because her nerves were pretty much shot, and it wasn't just the bomb in the room that was doing it.

It was the conversation.

"You know," Sarah commented from her cross-legged position on the other side of the room, watching Ronon pacing the floor behind Jen. "He doesn't look very happy."

"Still damn sexy." Jane grinned at her friend, adjusting her legs so they stretched out in front of her.

"Oh, please…" Jen muttered, shaking her head against the top of her knees.

"I'm sorry. What was that?" Jane held her hand to her ear.

"What exactly is your problem, Lieutenant?" Jen raised her head. "If you can't handle civilian command, why did you agree to come to Atlantis?"

"Because I was under the impression Atlantis was a _Military_ expedition." Jane frowned. "If I'd have known it was being controlled by a bunch of scientists, I might have thought twice. Although I have to say…" she grinned at Sarah. "Now that I've had a chance to see what you're up against, you guys need as many military personnel as you can get."

"And what, exactly, are _we_ up against?" Jen blinked. "You haven't even seen a Wraith in person, much less had to deal with anything other than a cold shower. Well…" she glanced over at the big box to her left. "Besides this."

"By _this_ you mean the box that you – a doctor – are convinced is a bomb?" Jane queried.

"That's because it _is_ a bomb."

"Right." Sarah nodded.

"I'm not going to argue with you." Jen stood up, and moved towards the middle window, relief sending a slight tremble through her fingertips. "You'll find out soon enough."

"That's the Cadman you mentioned?" Sarah asked, standing up.

Jen nodded. "Lieutenant Laura Cadman. Greatest explosive's expert in two galaxies."

"Thank God." Jane exclaimed. "A fellow Marine. Score one for the good guys."

"Careful what you wish for." Jen said softly, a smile quirking the corner of her mouth.

Carrying two silver transport cases in each hand, and a third slung over her shoulder, Laura Cadman strode into the middle room like she owned it. She was followed by Lorne and Zeeman, each man was also carrying a set of cases.

Laura set the cases down and gave the Colonel a quick salute, which he waved off. The others soon joined them in conference. Rodney waved his hands madly while he spoke, and Zelenka stood to the side with his arms crossed over his chest, occasionally interrupting. John overrode them both, eliciting a pout from McKay, which made Jen smile despite her current situation. She wished she could hear what was being said, but she got the gist of the current topic when half the group turned around to glare at Lieutenants Thomas and Lewis, Cadman included.

"Great." Sarah muttered. "So much for your score sheet."

"Shut up." Jane frowned.

After a brief moment, Laura held out her hand for Rodney's tablet, which he handed over. Walking over to the glass window, Laura winked at Jen, typed in a quick message and held it up to the glass for Jen to read.

_Hey J. Heard you've made some new friends? Haven't I taught you enough about Marines? We don't make very good pets. Especially these two. They're not housebroken._

Jen grinned. She scurried across the room for her own tablet. Typing quickly, she spun the screen around so Laura could see it.

_You're late, and I have to pee._

Laura laughed out loud, shaking off questions from the others with a wave of her hand. She quickly typed a response.

_Can't stand between a girl and her bladder! What's the situation?_

Jen quickly described the box and the liquids, and the screen in the surface. She could see Laura's mouth moving as she read the message aloud. Ronon asked a question, and Laura's answer didn't seem to make him very happy.

Laura's reply was swift.

_Crap_.

Jen nodded.

Laura turned back to the others, and an animated discussion ensued. Jen stood at the glass, watching, and wishing she wasn't the fish in the bowl being pointed at. She tensed when Jane and Sarah moved to stand beside her, all eyes on the crowd.

Laura turned back around, tablet in hand, and pointed to Thomas and Lewis, indicating the message she was typing was for them. She jammed the tablet against the glass and glared.

_Mess with my girl, and you mess with me. And you do __not__ want to mess with me. Understood?_

Sarah nodded, but Jane rolled her eyes.

Laura moved the tablet and typed again, this time holding it up to Jen.

_We'll try to get the door open and get you out of there. Back in a few. Don't touch anything. _

Jen nodded.

Laura turned away, jamming the tablet against Ronon's chest in passing while she moved towards her cases. Grabbing two, she disappeared into the hallway with Rodney, Radek, Evan and Zeeman in tow.

Teyla and John moved to the doorway. Jen decided it was in part to keep an eye on her and the fishbowl, yet still be able to see down the hallway towards the door.

Ronon moved towards the window and waved her over. He held up the tablet.

_You okay?_

_Been better._

_Cadman's scanning the door. See if we can cut through it. Said I can't just blast it._

Jen laughed out loud, earning her a groan and a muttered annoyance from Thomas. She refused to give her the satisfaction, and continued her typed conversation. _Bombs don't like other explosions. Or so I've heard._

Ronon glanced over at Thomas and Lewis. _They behaving?_

Jen frowned. _Barely_.

_Sheppard's furious._

Jen chewed her bottom lip. She knew there'd be fallout from her actions. You can't just pull a gun on someone and get away free. There would be repercussions. But if it kept them alive, kept him alive, then whatever punishment she had to face would be worth it. Well, almost anything. Short of being sent home. Sent away. Sent away from here. From him. Oh lord, she hadn't thought of that! They couldn't send her back could they? She couldn't… she could take anything… being demoted… being reprimanded… anything but being returned to Earth.

Ronon tapped the glass, and Jen blinked back into reality. Concern flashed beneath his green eyes and he pointed to her computer.

Her words appeared on the screen, and reading them sliced through her heart. She hesitated, then turned it towards him.

_They'll send me back to Earth, won't they?_

Ronon shook his head quickly. _Why_?

Her fingers typed quickly, her thoughts broken with panic. _What I did. Not acceptable. They'll send me home. _

_Not you. They ignored protocol. You're CMO._

Jen shook her head. _I don't think they'll care. I pulled a gun on a Marine for god's sake!_

Ronon shrugged. _I do it all the time._

Jen couldn't help but smile at that, his cocky grin easing her fear, if only for the time being.

_McKay said they have been causing you trouble. What kind of trouble?_

_McKay needs to learn to keep his mouth shut._

_What kind of trouble?_

Jen sighed. Ronon tapped the glass and pointed to the tablet.

_Mind games._ She finally settled on. It was the best explanation, and the shortest.

_You didn't tell me.  
_

Jen blinked, unsure of how exactly to answer. She hesitated, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. She knew he deserved an answer, and if they didn't get out of here – no… she was so not going there – but he did deserve an answer. And, come to think of it, so did she. She hoped Jane was all posturing… talk and little action… but the niggling doubt was still circling around the back of her mind. She settled on what she prayed was the most diplomatic phrase, hesitating slightly before turning it to face him.

_I thought you were friends._

Jen watched as Ronon glanced over at the two Lieutenants, who were leaning casually against the glass a few feet away, watching her with interest. She followed his gaze, noted the flash of interest in Thomas' eyes when she saw Ronon watching her, then the flash of anger at Jen when Ronon turned away.

_No. _

Relief slid through her upper body. She couldn't really fault him for being friends with them, and had no idea what she would do if he'd said yes, but he hadn't. They weren't friends. But then that begged the question as to why they were together so much lately. Feeling an unwelcome flash of bravery in the face of possible demise, she gathered the courage to ask.

_You've been together a lot lately. I thought you liked them._

_They needed training. _

Okay. That honestly hadn't occurred to her.

She nodded, then shook her head, then shrugged. Glancing again at the two Lieutenants she was trapped with, she tried to understand what more training they needed. They seemed pretty good fighters already… but then again… she didn't really know enough, did she? They certainly needed help with their attitude… Jane's glare sent her quickly spinning back towards Ronon.

He was staring at her, eyes narrowed. Then he glanced over at Teyla, who was crossing the room to stand beside the glass. They carried on a brief conversation, both watching Jen through the window. Jen felt a heck of a lot like a zoo exhibit, and ignored Jane's comment about the same. She stepped back and crossed her arms in front of her torso, the subconscious urge to hide rolling over her. A strange look passed over Teyla's features and she held her hands out for the tablet, then waved Ronon off.

Ronon handed it to her, but didn't move. Teyla put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him towards Sheppard, who was watching their dance with interest from the doorway.

Teyla began typing, and Jen stepped forward.

_I believe I now understand your silence of late. His interest does not lie with the other women. He has eyes for only one._

Jen shook her head, her eyes turning to Ronon, his conversation was Sheppard's, but his eyes were hers.

Teyla returned to the tablet, then held it up again.

_He did not tell me. He does not have to. I see how you look at each other. You believed he would prefer her?_

Jen shrugged, blinked, then nodded.

_He does not._

_She's everything I'm not._

_Exactly. She is everything you are not. You have answered your own question._

Jen frowned and shrugged. She did?

Teyla simply smiled and shook her head.

"Geeze, what she writing? A novel over there? How about we spend more time trying to get us out of here, and less time in the chat room?"

Jen glared at Jane, spinning away from Teyla. "Lieutenant Cadman is scanning the door to see if they can cut through it. We need to wait for her to finish. They'll update me as soon as they know more"

"Thank God." Sarah muttered.

"Friends or not, at least she's a Marine." Jane acknowledged.

Jen turned back, and Ronon was now standing next to Teyla. Teyla handed him back the tablet, but was shaking her head to his question. She simply patted him on the upper arm and returned to her post at the doorway next to a curious Colonel.

Ronon held up the tablet.

_What was that about?_

_I'll tell you later._

_Later, later?_

Jen couldn't help but laugh against the flush of embarrassment creeping up her cheeks, Teyla's words echoing through her mind.

He has eyes for only one.


	12. Chapter 12

"We can't cut it." Laura stood up, dropping her scanner into its case and turning to face the crowd. "There's wires interlaced through the door. Since we have no idea what they control, we can't chance cutting them. They could be connected to the device."

"Other suggestions?" John stepped forward.

Laura pursed her lips. "If she's right about the size of the container, there's enough explosive in there to take out a city block and leave a crater just as deep. I _suggest_ you take everyone back to the gate and leave me to do my job."

John frowned.

Teyla shook her head.

Rodney crossed his arms.

Radek pushed his glasses up his nose.

Evan shifted his weight.

Zeeman looked everywhere but at Laura.

"Right then." Laura nodded, bending to pick up one of the cases. "Option two. We check the windows. See if we can cut through them."

"And if not?" John asked the question they all wanted to voice.

"If not…" Laura shook her head. "Then we've got a problem."

* * *

"We've got a problem." Laura announced, turning to face the group. "The windows are out."

Mumbled sighs echoed around the room.

"There's got to be something we can do." Rodney threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "There's enough genius in this room to fly a city, and we can't get three people out of a fish bowl?"

"Only one thing left." Laura looked pointedly at Sheppard.

"What?" He said slowly, his voice betraying the feeling of not wanting to know the answer.

"Someone in there needs to defuse it."

General disbelief, several loud _no_'s, and two _you've got to be kidding_'s chorused.

Laura held up her hand, calling for silence. "I don't like this anymore than you do. Jen's my friend too. But it's their only chance. All she needs to do is cut the leads and buy us time to get the door open and get me in there."

"How much time?" Rodney asked.

"If it's the same construction as the other one… two minutes. Tops."

"And if it's not?" Ronon leaned forward.

Laura stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Then it's over."

Another loud argument ensued and Laura waved her hand again. "You don't understand." She looked around the circle. "The compound in those vials is highly unstable. The mixture is already set. We don't have time to stand around her arguing semantics. The first concoction we discovered three months ago on MX2-226 took just over an hour to degrade before it blew, and it took out half a village. From what I've been able to determine about this compound, the bigger the mixture, the longer the fuse. Based on Jen's estimates on size, we should have about four hours.

"Three of which are already gone." Evan said quietly.

Laura nodded. "Three of which are already gone." She repeated. "Either way, we're going to be out of time. And since everyone's being a martyr and refusing to leave… we're going to be dead within the hour any way."

Silence filled the room.

"Personally," Laura looked over her shoulder at Jen, then turned back to the circle, pausing at Ronon. "I'd rather die fighting."

Ronon nodded, his eyes locked on the windows, and the figure standing behind it.

"Fine." John muttered. "Just… let's just… get as much information as we can _before_ we start randomly cutting wires?"

Laura grinned. "Come on, McKay. Let's get to work."

"Me?" Rodney stuttered. "Why me? Why not Zelenka? I don't know anything about bombs."

"And I do?" Radek stepped back.

"Oh shush." Laura backhanded Rodney across the chest. "You have two PhD's. In my books that's good enough to hold the flashlight."

* * *

"No." Jen exhaled, staring at Laura and her tablet, which was hovering in front of Jen's face. "No-no-no."

"What?" Sarah and Jane stepped forward.

Laura pointed to the tablet again, and nodded.

"There has to be another way." Jen shook her head.

"What?" Sarah and Jane echoed.

Laura shook her head, pointed at the box, pointed at Jen, then pointed at her watch.

"They want us to diffuse the bomb." Jen stared at Laura.

"What!" They repeated, loudly.

"Apparently," Jen continued. "It's going to blow whether we touch it or not. The mixture will break down and take us all out." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, turning around to face the box. "Laura says if I can disable the first level, it will give her two minutes to get into the room and disable the rest."

"Two minutes?" Sarah croaked. "Is that enough time?"

"She says it is."

"Crap." Sarah exhaled.

"What do you mean if _you_ can disable the first level?" Jane, hands on her hips, spun away from Laura to face Jen.

"Oh would you give it a rest!" Jen spun around, her patience lost in the extremity of the situation. She was running on adrenaline and fear, and quickly slipping into emergency mode – burying her emotions under her education. She couldn't afford to lose control – not with so many lives in the balance. This was what she did. What she could do. What she had to do.

It was who she was.

"We're going to die." Jen announced. "Do you not understand that? And not only us… them! These people are my friends. People I care about. People I care about a _lot_. I'm not going to stand around and let them be blown to little pieces because you have an attitude problem. And no, maybe I don't know how to fly a 302 or a jumper, or shoot a P90 without falling on my ass, or how to fight, or throw knives, or do anything else you two seem to think is the only thing that matters. But what I _do_ know is how to listen. To pay attention to detail. To follow orders. And more importantly, I know how to cut very, very small things with hands that do not shake. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly the skill we're going to need."

* * *

"What's going on?" John stepped up beside Ronon and Laura, watching the show behind the glass. Jennifer was standing with her feet wide, her shoulders back, counting something off on her fingers. She'd moved to within inches of the two Lieutenants, and judging by the look on their faces, not one of the three women were very happy with the turn of the conversation.

"I think Jen's getting her game on." Laura grinned.

"Is that wise?" Teyla angled her head. "It did not work so well the last time."

* * *

Jen watched a flash of understanding cross Lewis face, and hoped she had at least one convert. A reluctant one, but a convert none-the-less. Jane glared and frowned, her eyes moving to the glass behind Jen.

Jen stepped in front of Jane, doing her best to block her view of the others. With her annoyance simmering to the surface, she leaned closer to the Lieutenant, forcing Jane to drop her chin to her chest to meet Jen's eyes. If Jen needed to operate on a bomb to save their lives, then this room was her O.R. That thought gave her all the power she needed. This was her room to command, and her command was unquestionable.

"Either you're going to help me, or you're not." Jen continued, her forcefulness pushing close enough that Jane actually stepped back with a confused frown. "But if you're not, then just stay out of my way, or I swear to god I will see you demoted faster than you can say _former _Marine."

Sarah's intake of air was not lost on Jen.

Jane blinked, her voice low and threatening. "You wouldn't dare."

"I can, and I will." Jen turned away quickly and picked up her tablet from the floor by the window. "I'm the Chief Medical Officer, and it is well within my right to bench someone I feel is unfit for duty," she glared. "I may be small, but this little girl isn't afraid of blood. And I'm sure as hell not afraid of you."

Jen spun around and faced the extended crowd of onlookers, her fingers trembling as she gripped the tablet. Great. Everyone was there! Perfect. Just perfect. Exhaling a frustrated breath, she was really, really glad there was no sound getting through that glass, because that was perhaps one of the dumbest things she'd ever said to someone who could quite possibly kill her in her sleep. Her eyes moved quickly to Ronon, who was watching her with a mix of concern, and… amusement? Figures. She sighed. Well, at least someone was having fun.

The added fact that Laura was grinning like an idiot and giving her a thumbs up didn't really do much to ease her embarrassment.

Jen ran a shaking hand through her hair, and turned to her tablet, quickly typing her message to Laura.

_Fine. Let's get this over with. _

_._

_._

_._

_A/N - Okay I hope you don't think I took too many liberties with Jen here - I'm not sure how she'd react if it really came down to it. I'd like to think she'd be as forceful as she was when she was yelling at Sheppard in "Search'n'rescue" so that's what I went with! :) Almost done!!_


	13. Chapter 13

With her flashlight taped to her right shoulder, Jen lay on her left side, crushed behind the massive box. With a lot of work, and a lot of breath holding, she'd slowly wriggled herself into the tiny space between the base of the box and the wall.

Sarah stood next to the window, reading Laura's instructions and typing Jen's answers. Jen hoped the woman was smart enough to read Laura's words verbatim. Any mistake and it was good-bye, sayonara, see-ya-later, and audios all wrapped into one big boom. With dramatic pauses between their conversation, it was agonizing enough just waiting for the responses. The fact that she was staring up at a bomb that would leave nothing for anyone to find to take home to any of their families, was also not helping the pounding behind her ribcage.

"Tell her there are three wires leaving the bottom of the tube. Two black, one grey."

Jen concentrated on controlling her breathing, the tight space not giving her room for more than half a breath at a time. Her rapid heartbeat was making it difficult, and she knew she had to keep calm or she was going to hyperventilate. With several measured breaths, she pulled herself back under control.

"Which order are the wires, left to right?" Sarah asked.

Jen glanced up at the green liquid reflecting in the beam of her flashlight, and it's tube like container. "Left to right?"

"She said left to right." Jane muttered.

"Shut up, Jane." Sarah ordered. "Yes, left to right."

"Black, Grey, Black." Jen called out.

"Are they all the same size?"

"Yes."

"How are they attached?"

"Generic enough question?" Jen muttered, staring up at the wires.

"She says, sorry." Sarah called. "Are they attached with any kind of fasteners? Are they attached to the tubes or the box?"

"Oh." Jen nodded, craning her neck and adjusting the light. "They all seem to be attached to the bottom of the tube with some kind of shiny silver gloop."

"Don't touch the gloop!"

"Right." Jen nodded, dropping her hands quickly. "No gloop touching."

"Where do the wire's lead?"

Jen looked around, following the path of each wire. "Black one on the left goes down the box, across the floor and disappears into the wall. Um… grey in the middle goes down the box, along the floor and up the wall to that big silver box up there. Black one on the right goes down the box and disappears back underneath it."

Sarah had her repeat it twice to make sure she had it right.

"Okay. She says to get ready to cut the black one on the left. The first one that disappears into the wall. But don't cut it until she gives you the go-ahead."

Jen's heart skipped, and her hand tightened around the small bone saw she held tightly in her sweaty palm. "Is she sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh crap." Jen muttered. "Cut it anywhere?"

"Yes. Anywhere. The black cable that goes into the wall."

"Oh crap." Jen repeated, trying to roll her upper body far enough over so she could grip the wire with her left hand, and cut with her right.

"She says to tell her the minute you're all the way through, and don't be surprised if you get a shock."

"Shock?" Jen froze, the saw hovering above the cable.

"Oh for God's sake." Sarah muttered.

"What?!" Jen exhaled.

"She says she's just kidding. You shouldn't get a shock."

"I'm going to kill her." Jen muttered, pinching the cable gingerly between the thumb and index finger of her left hand. Readying the saw above the cable, she took a slow, steadying breath. "Okay, I'm ready."

* * *

Laura stood outside the door to the room, a small silver kit in her hand. She was flanked by John and Ronon.

"Okay." She turned towards them. "As soon as she's through the wire, the security measures will be disabled. We'll have two minutes. You need to get them out of there and out of my way immediately."

Both men nodded.

Laura reached for her radio. "Okay Rodney… tell her to signal the second she's completely through the wire, but not a moment sooner."

"Right." Rodney replied.

* * *

"Okay." Sarah called. "Go."

"Crap." Jen muttered. "Crap-crap-crap-crap-crap!" The words echoed each slice her saw made through the cable as she zipped the serrated blade back and forth furiously.

"Okay!" She cried out starting to wriggle her way out from behind the beastly box. "I'm through!"

* * *

Laura grabbed the handle of the door, and pulled up. It didn't budge.

She grabbed it from the bottom and pushed it down. Still nothing.

John shoved her out of the way and yanked, but the door held firm.

Ronon threw his weight behind it… no movement.

Laura swore and spun on her heel, dashing down the hallway and into the first observation room. Jen was crawling out from behind the box and all three women were staring at the door.

Laura spun around. "The windows. Take out the window!" She pounded on the glass causing all three women to jump and spin around in shock.

Laura waved them to the side as Ronon pulled out his weapon. Jen's eyes widened in shock and she scrambled to the far side of the room, wedging herself into a tucked position next to Sarah and Jane. All three women covered their heads and turned their faces away.

"What about the wires!" John exclaimed.

"We're not dead! She cut the right wire!" Laura insisted, waving at Ronon. "Go, go!"

Ronon stepped to the side and fired at the window, the entire frame blasting apart and sending shards of silvery glass exploding into the tiny room.

Laura was through first, her boots crunching loudly across the broken glass as she ran to the box, cutters in one hand, metal clamps in the other. Launching herself forward, she slid across the smooth surface of the box, and hung her head over the back side, dropping her arms in behind it.

"Colonel!" She called, her left hand waving madly beside her hip. "I need the other clamps!"

John leapt forward, his hands reaching for the tool kit she left half open beside her. He grabbed the silver clamps and set them handle first into her waiting palm.

Her arm disappeared and she muttered a curse. Silent seconds ticked by while she worked, her legs dangling off the side of the box, her head and arms buried behind it.

_Beep. Beep. Beep_.

Laura's body stilled.

Everyone froze.

Laura lifted her head slowly and glanced at her watch. "See." She grinned. "Told ya. Two minutes, tops."

"Oh, GOD, I hate you." Rodney muttered from the other side of the broken window, his hand covering his eyes. "You are _seriously_ worse than Sheppard for the dramatics."

"Hey!" John muttered.

Ronon grinned and clapped Sheppard on the shoulder, his other arm draped around Jennifer's tense shoulders, as he hugged her close.

"Why thanks, McKay." Laura grinned, sitting up on top of the box and kicking her feet back and forth. "That means a lot coming from you."

"That wasn't a compliment!" Rodney complained, earning him a round of laughter. "Oh fine. Laugh it up. You're all insane, you know that?" He turned and stomped away, disappearing into the hallway. "Well, I, for one, am going home." He called over his shoulder.

"Not a bad idea." Evan seconded, nodding at Lieutenant Zeeman, who each grabbed two of Laura's supply cases.

"It has been... interesting..." Radek shrugged, trudging after Rodney, and immediately followed by John and Teyla.

"Don't tire yourself out, McKay!" John shouted. "It's a long walk back!"

"John." Teyla grinned.

"I'm just saying…" John shrugged, moving into the hallway. He glanced over his shoulder. "Let's move, Lieutenants." He frowned at Lewis and Thomas. "Now."

Sarah and Jane fell into step behind the Colonel.

Ronon stepped forward, but Jen hesitated, her hands reaching up to wrap around his torso.

"Hey." He said softly, turning into her hug, and wrapping his arms around her. He leaned his chin against the top of her head. "It's over."

Jen sighed. "I'm sorry." She muttered into his chest.

"What for? You did… great."

"No, not for that. This. I mean, I'm sorry for before." She said softly, shaking her head against his shirt front.

"For what before?"

Her arms tightened around him, and she sagged against him, her shoulders dropping with the release of having the situation over. She should have apologized sooner – but somehow now seemed like the right time. It seemed… appropriate.

"I'm sorry for my… attitude this week. For everything. For doubting you. For not talking to you."

"You can tell me anything." He answered, tightening his grip around her.

"I know." She nodded against him, her hair brushing across the hair under his chin. "It's just… hard to get used to."

"What is?"

"This." She exhaled.

"This?" He frowned, releasing his hold slightly so he could angle his head down towards her face. "Is hard to get _used_ to?"

"Yes." She nodded, lifting her head so she could look into his eyes. She chewed the inside of her cheek while she debated her answer.

He dropped his arms and moved to step away but Jen wouldn't release him. She locked her fingers behind his back and held on as tightly as she could.

"It's hard to get used to you, choosing me, over someone like her." She voiced softly, willing him to understand.

He stared at her, and she felt her chest tightening in agony, waiting for his response.

"Someone like her?" He finally answered, his voice low, his green eyes flashing with anger and darkness.

Jen nodded, her eyes dropping from the intensity of his gaze. She slowly lowered her arms and stepped slowly away. "I can't do half of what she can… what you can. I doubt I'll ever be able to fight, or shoot, or anything like that. It's… not who I am. I just-"

"Stop." He growled.

Jen stopped moving and looked up, her bottom lip caught tightly between her teeth.

"I know who you are." He stepped in front of her, his chest against hers, forcing her to tip her head back to keep her eyes on his.

She blinked.

He lowered his head, his mouth inches from hers when he whispered "You're mine."

* * *

"Ahh, young love." John let out a mock sigh from the hallway.

"Leave them be, John." Teyla ordered, grabbing the Colonel by the TAC vest and shoving him away from the doorway. "They will catch up."

"Yeah, I'm sure they will." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Enough." Teyla laughed, her hand on his back, pushing him down the hallway, and past Lieutenants Thomas and Lewis. She frowned at them before continuing on after John.

"Crap." Sarah muttered, glancing back over her shoulder at the open doorway.

"Guess it pays to be a civilian." Jane muttered, shaking her head. "This galaxy is seriously fucked if _she_ gets _him_. I'm so asking for a transfer back to Earth."

"I do not believe the choice will be yours to make." Teyla spun around, stopping them in the hallway with her palm up. John glanced over his shoulder but kept walking.

"_She_… will be making that decision." Teyla said quietly. "Although _I_ will advise you to pack you bags when you return to the city, because _he_ will not take kindly to what you have been doing once _she_ tells him." Teyla smiled, low and dangerous. "And I am quite sure that both _she_, and _he_, will not want you here. And neither do the rest of us."

Teyla turned on her heel, and followed John out into the daylight.

Sarah glared at Jane. "Brilliant, Jane. Just brilliant."

"What!" Jane muttered, following behind Sarah, slamming out the main doorway. "What'd I do!?"

Jen removed her hand from her mouth and stared at the closed doorway. "Well." She pursed her lips.

"Come on, _She_." Ronon dropped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. "Let's get out of here."

"Okay, _he_." Jen slipped her arm around his waist and fell into step beside him. "Take me home."

They were almost to the door before Ronon finally asked…

"Is it later yet?"

.

.

.

.

_A/N okay kiddies! There you have it! Can I get a round of Awwwww? :) Now having said that, this was a lot of fun, and I hope you enjoyed it. It was a heck of a lot harder to write the angsty stuff for me, so next story I think I'm going to speed myself back into mystery and meyhem, kidnapping, murder, all the good stuff. :) Thank you to everyone and their kind words, comments and suggestions! :) Hugs and Kisses - Nika _


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